Hi,
This assignment I have is to write to the Principal to recommend the President for a computer society. Can you help me look through and see if anything is unsound, or is there any grammatical/expression mistakes?
Dear Mrs. Low
Re: Recommendation of President of Computer Society
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to recommend the President of the Computer Society. My recent interviews with the two candidates proved that both of them are capable of being farsighted leaders. However, after thorough deliberation, I would like to seek your approval to appoint Rashida Abdul Hamid to take up this responsibility.
Currently the secretary of the society, Rashida Abdul Hamid has a lot of experience in teamwork. Able to communicate with her team members effectively, Rashida has successfully led small teams in various school-based projects and recently won first prize in the Young Designers Competition. Her participation in setting up the gaming station in our school carnival further proved her capability. Hence, I strongly feel that Rashida has the competence to inspire her team mates and do the school proud with further achievements in the future.
Well-liked among our peers due to her outgoing and charismatic nature, Rashida has been of great help to bond our members together in every year's orientation games. With an insatiable appetite for learning, Rashida is well-versed in computer programming. As I have observed, she is always ready to share her knowledge to help her peers accomplish their programming skills, even if she has to stay back late. Consequently, I believe that all of our members would be satisfied to have a committed President like Rashida.
With her experience as a leader, Rashida handles administrative work efficiently and with ease, but never hastily. Recently, I find out from my interview with her, that Rashida is a daring risk-taker. She told me her dream of planning a project to equip the school with more personal computers by getting sponsorship from Green Peace Cooperation as well as through our annual fund-raising program, which I fully support. Should this plan be initiated, our students from low-income families will have better chance to get access to the Internet to broaden their horizon. Hence, I truly believe that Rashida would make a farsighted leader, who will bring our Computer Society to greater heights.
Kelvin Lam, the other candidate, also proves to be a talented student, with wide knowledge of software applications and website design. A very trust-worthy and meticulous person, Kelvin has been appointed as our treasurer of year 2008. He always thinks through the matters carefully before taking any actions; consequently his work, though maybe slower, has always been accurate. Recently, Kelvin has succeeded in raising S$5,000 for our society fund in a major project named APKA among all the schools in Singapore. Kelvin has proposed a plan to conduct a series of workshop throughout the year to familiarise students with useful software to help them with their schoolwork. This interesting program aims to promote computer literacy among our peers, which is very important in the modern world. Hence, his well-planned proposal proves him an equally capable leader.
However, in my opinion, as a reserved person, Kelvin does not have the charisma to bond the team together like Rashida. The President must have the support of all our team mates. Keeping this in mind, I believe that Rashida would become an inspiring leader for our society.
I hope that you would agree with my judgement to select the best leader for our Computer Society in the upcoming year.
Thank you for your kind attention.
Thank you so much for your help!
Good morning!
This letter is very well prepared and organized! Nice work!
There are just a couple spelling/grammatical errors:
"...inspire her team mates (change to "teammates", one word) and..."
"...to familiarise (change to "familiarize") students..."
"...our team mates (change to "teammates", one word) ..."
"...you would (remove to avoid passive tone) agree with my judgement (correct spelling to "judgment" to select the..."
Also, don't forget to sign the letter! "Regards" is an acceptable business letter signature phrase; leave four empty lines and then type your name. When you print out the letter, us the blank space for your signature (in either blue or black ink).
Nice work!
