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analyse this poem -- walking in cluster of clouds


BORE 2 / 8  
Feb 9, 2010   #1
love
walking in cluster of clouds
shinning blue stars
twinkled ,glitered in your heart
love sprinkled diamond dust
strolling in sparks of the night
love in stolen haerts.

im just a new writer,please comment and critisize my piece so i could sharpen my writng skills.
SHABAIL 1 / 17  
Feb 9, 2010   #2
I think the main you need to think about is how is love connected to the stars in the sky. Your verbs such as twinkled and glittered might need to be a little more descriptive. Everything in this poem is visual, I'm not really feeling it.
OP BORE 2 / 8  
Feb 9, 2010   #3
thanx i will restructure it ,next time u will feel it .
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 10, 2010   #4
Please spend a little more time helping other people. You only give one line of feedback! :-)

Is this about an experience you have when feeling love, or is it about love itself?

You should experiment with different numbers of syllables. The human ind likes patterns, so it is nice to use lines with the same number of syllables sometimes, and then break the pattern.

For good ideas, check out poetry by Keats. Google this: keats poetry

I like your colorful verbs.. glittered sprinkled strolling stolen.

:-)


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