Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]

Home / Poetry   % width Posts: 5

"-Death's next of kin." - my first proper poem

dimley 1 / 1  
Aug 27, 2011   #1
-Death's next of kin.

Each footstep deep into the unpeopled night,
no time for scorn, or remorse or pain.
Enshrouded by the hum of woodland winds,

He turns, then turns, and turns again.

Deep below the moon's deceiving rays,
Death's next of kin begins its war,
unknowingly he takes the stars
for his witnesses - open behind closed doors.

Real dreams of guilty joy ecstatic as the temptress dies, she is no longer.
Snuffed and stuffed by the bloodless shade that howls in its cave,
Hunger suppressed and aegis destroyed, a once fine poppy
is slaughtered and gone. He blinks and sighs as he lies her in the grave.

If you can understand what it is about well done :D
beepro21 15 / 22  
Aug 27, 2011   #2
Actually, I do not understand much about what you want to express in your poem. I guest you must be a fan of "eclipse " or "new moon" because I felt a ghastly and dreadful atmosphere in this poem. I can see that the death of the temptress is the death 's next kin and there is a strong likelihood that the man is responsible for her death because the stars witness his guilty actions. It seems to me that the relationship between the man and the woman is quite close. For some reasons, he killed her and inside him there was a war between love and sin. However, when he realized what he had done,she went away forever. He has to face up with his loneliness and obsession below the moon's deceiving trays.

It's just some personal thoughts that I want to share with you.
OP dimley 1 / 1  
Sep 1, 2011   #3
Actually not too bad! i suppose the line "stuffed and snuffed" describes his actions best, as dark as it seems, im not wierd at all or had any experience of this kind :P And no i haven't seen a whole twilight film before, i just found it easier to write vivid descriptions of something like this.
beepro21 15 / 22  
Sep 1, 2011   #4
I do not mean that you are weird. However, many poets are thought to be so. They often have their head in the cloud and they tend to oblivious to life. I think you should write more poems.Who knows, you can be famous in the future...
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Sep 3, 2011   #5

great idea

He blinks and sighs and lies her in the grave.---I like this, too.

Enlightenment? I wonder if the temptress represents desire. Death's next of kin must be life, because what else is there?


Home / Poetry / "-Death's next of kin." - my first proper poem