RyanVi16 12 / 91 Dec 2, 2010 #1My last college essay (hopefully). Yes, another poem (i adapted from another poem i wrote earlier)Virginia Tech- Tell 5 unique things/traits about yourself.The reason i wrote a poem not because want to be "weird" but i cannot think of a way to write 5 things about myself without being too generic or boring.Any comments/ criticism/grammar are welcome :)Don't tell me that I am weakBecause harsh words can never hurt meFor the "perseverance" that I will seekI'll find the answer to its mysteryYou can knock me down, but I'll stand back upLike a seed deep-rooted in my bloodCease me from breathing, but don't stop my determination.Don't tell me that I am a cowardThousands years of Vietnamese's valorOur spirit had drowned the enemies' vanityOur "bravery" exemplified the Vietnam WarTo be free from the chain of eternityTo fuse of fire inside our heartsThe bloodshed stole our lives but not our pride.Don't tell me that I am lazyGive me the AP books, so I won't procrastinateMy services are free, but are not hasty"Hard efforts" can never be contaminatedRequest me one and I'll provide you twoFeel free to ask if you have no clueHere, I am, my reason, my virtue.Don't tell me that I am cynicalI don't question the ephemeral loveMom said, "Let's try it once more"Dad frowned, "But our effort is futile"Their wedding rings shattered like glassMy heart broke but I prefer its piecesDon't give me glue; it can never lastDon't tell me that I am a dreamerThat someday I'll perform impossible "surgeries"Dad says I should become a managerMom thinks I'll save the country's economyBut I am who I am and do what I loveAnd all the patients that I'll serveBecause with VT, "I'll exceed above life's expectation."
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129 Dec 16, 2010 #2But I am who I am and do what I loveCool line!Hey, I think the word "above" should be taken out of that last line.Also, try taking out the word "that"... it appears in the first line of each stanza and also in the second-to-last line. It can be taken out of each unless that would mess up the rhythm you intend.I like it! I hope the AO reader will not be biased against your unconventional approach! But that is the worthy risk always associated with being unconventional.