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It drives me mad. This is my second poem. "What If life"


tanty 3 / 4  
Dec 9, 2008   #1
"
What if Life

If Life were paper
I would write down all the lies
I would file them in parts
And let them die in my heart

If Life were a candle
I would blow all the bad
I would get all the warmth
And place in people's palms

If Life were a lip
I would keep all smiles sweet
I would kiss all the pains
And have it lain on my beloved

If Life were a sky
I would grind all the sorrows
I would enclose them in every kite
And burn them in the sunshine

If Life were snow
I would gather all the hate
I would make my own snowman
And break it down like a game

If Life were a fight
I would sacrifice my fears
I would rear my courage
And share what I pillaged

If Life were a tunnel
I would cover all miseries
I would ease them in the dark
And start again at the other end

If Life were a grave
I would cache all the wounds
I would ruin all the hurt
And turn them into mystery

If Life were a garden
I would bury all the grief
I would seek for new seeds
And sow them with happiness

But if Life were Love
I wouldn't hold to breathe
I would cease the day
I wouldn't stay to live
And just love only.
"
Friends told me it was a great poem. How about you?
getitlow 7 / 17  
Dec 9, 2008   #2
god !!!! I love this :D A beautiful poem !
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 9, 2008   #3
Yes, it is the kind of writing that comes from a rare, deep place within you. Take note of that feeling that you have when re-reading it. Get familiar with that feeling so that you can master it, and draw great, rhythmic lines from that place whenever you want to.

Thanks for sharing it with us!!
TheFlameProof 4 / 20  
Dec 13, 2008   #4
i usually like ending a poem with an image. i think if you rework the last stanza of this poem to incorporate an image of you "wouldn't stay to live/ and just love only," it would benefit the poem greatly.
charliesun 9 / 28  
Jan 3, 2009   #5
excellent imagination! you have a great talent.
ChiliC - / 2  
Jan 14, 2009   #6
wow nice poem! keep it up!
4ever2bleed 9 / 28  
Jan 15, 2009   #7
WOW This is great. I wish I could write some poetry like that.
silverystars 14 / 105  
Jan 26, 2009   #8
If Life were snow
I would gather all the hate
I would make my own snowman
And break it down like a game

What a great image.
blake - / 2  
Jan 28, 2009   #9
Nice poem. You have really done a very good job. I appreciate your creation but i would like to share one thing about making your original work secured. I would like to tell you about the copyright through which you can be assured that no one can make a duplicate version of your work. So it is always a good option to make copyright of your original work.


Home / Poetry / It drives me mad. This is my second poem. "What If life"