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Letter to a girl (need help with articulation)


crazyman 1 / 2  
May 29, 2010   #1
This is not exactly a poem but I need help with articulation. Please don't take this out of context.

All in all Jessica I felt like I had someone for the first time who I could express fervent emotion and affection to more than verbally. I would like to try to overcome any obstacles disallowing any physical relationship but I have the utmost respect for your choices. You are one of my best friends notwithstanding.

Word usage? Is there something I should replace "all in all" with?
bmachado 5 / 23  
May 29, 2010   #2
I don't think that you necessarily have to use "all in all" at all.
If I were to rewrite this I think I would put it this way:

Jessica,

With you, I felt for the first time that I had found someone that I could express my fervent emotion and affection to more than just verbally. I would like to eventually overcome any obstacles preventing us from having a more physical relationship, but I also want you to know that I have the utmost respect for you and your choices. No matter what happens, you will always be one of my best friends.
OP crazyman 1 / 2  
May 30, 2010   #3
Thank you bmachado,

I like some of the changes you made but I have a few questions.

Is there something wrong with the word "notwithstaniding"? I wanted to imply friendship unconditionally without referring back to hardships.

What do you think of the word choice in the phrase "fervent emotion and affection"?
OP crazyman 1 / 2  
May 30, 2010   #4
What do you think of this modification?

Jessica,

With you, I felt like I had someone for the first time who I could express fervent emotion, benevolence, and affection to more than verbally. I would like to eventually overcome any obstacles preventing us from having a more physical relationship, but I want you to know that I have the utmost respect for your choices. You are one of my best friends notwithstanding.
bmachado 5 / 23  
May 30, 2010   #5
I think that works just fine. I tend to not use the word "notwithstanding" much, but that is just a personal choice. If you want to use it, then there is nothing wrong with that. As far as the "fervent emotion and affection" phrase, I think that is fine, but I wouldn't add in benevolence. You don't want to make it too wordy.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
May 31, 2010   #6
Hi, I agree that it is too wordy.

I see that this is all about the "physical" relationship. So, this seems like you are saying you wish you could have sex with her but that you will still be her friend if she decides she does not want to do that. So, is that what you are trying to say?

I want to make sure it is what you men, because if you have a language barrier you might be trying to say you want a romantic relationship, which is a little different. So, you might want to do this:

All in all Jessica, I feel for the first time that I found someone who could be my partner in a meaningful relationship -- one that is more than just friendship. express fervent emotion and affection to more than verbally. I would like to try to overcome any obstacles disallowing any physical a romantic relationship, but I have the utmost respect for your choices. You are one of my best friends. notwithstanding .

Notice that I also chopped off the word notwithstanding. That is a big fat ugly word.

Good luck with your girlfriend!


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