Please comment on this. I would love both negative and positive comments. The more the merrier!
Harsh Moments
Coat hanger, wooden spoon,
belt; your tools of discipline.
My friends still joke of memories
of hearing my screams
from a block down.
Hearing my screams for mercy.
I laugh with them,
but inside I wince
as I remember your beatings, my screams.
The crack of leather on my flesh.
I remember the days when you screamed at me,
threatened to kick me out of the house,
into the streets.
I remember when you locked me
in that dark stuffy closet.
Sitting there for hours and hours
I cried for help,
scared of what was inside with me.
I remember when you ripped my report card,
called me worthless.
I remember.
I try to remember the good moments,
the times when you were gentle, heartwarming.
Motherly.
Sitting, I close my eyes and think.
Nothing.
Wow, I really like this poem. I like the imagery, the style, and especially the last paragraph, ending with a short "nothing". I can't really find anything wrong with this poem. I have a question though: why is the second to last line in italics?
The last stanza kind of bites. >< I was definitely expecting something like "thanks for straightening me up" but I guess not. HAHA.
well i like the twist at the end (although very harsh (although the title does explain that the poem is about harsh moments)). i second pikafu; why is second to last line in italics?
Is it just me? I feel like style changes from first to second stanza. perhaps you did it on purpose. perhaps, I'm just crazy and thinking something out of the blue...
I feel like the first stanza is much more freestyle than your second in terms of scansion, structure, etc.
but i like the poem overall. i can definitely relate to the beatings ):
Pikafu
It's my thoughts as I right the poem; I'm basically showing that even though I try to find good memories of our relationship to add to the poem, I can't think of anything.
pcvrz34g
I think you're right...I was thinking of the same thing. I'm not sure how I would structure the first stanza to make it flow like the latter two.
I'm pretty much a fail when it comes to writing poems. heh. I'd love to help you! D=
I'm only good (or better yet, decent) at detecting literary things --'
Poetry is often cathartic (a way for the poet to release emotion), but most good poetry is not purely autobiographical. Rather than listing various events and emotional responses, try to find a single "in" to the poem; a "conceit" that you can play out throughout the piece.
One idea that springs to mind are the objects you first list. Maybe something like:
I cannot see a coat hanger without hearing
my friends joke about the screams they heard
from around the block, or hear
the crack of leather
without a thought of home
Just to get you started...
