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Idle musings of a museless idler.


diodotusX 3 / 19  
Mar 24, 2010   #1
Thoughts on it?

i never really liked
grapefruits.
they were always so
bitter and
sour and
sometimes when i bit too hard
my eyes would sting

i used to eat them
when i was
small.
my mom would make
them for me for breakfast
my dad too before
he left for work

I Hated Grapefruits

but my dad would
always
make me eat one before
i left for school
and i guess
they weren't so bad
but only when you put
some sugar on it
so it wasn't
so bitter
but my dad would always
get the sugar first.
he was my dad after all.
and then he would use all of the sugar up every last bit of it in his grapefruit and then i'd be too
embarrassed to get more.
and he made sure
i would still eat my grapefruit.

even after i left for good
and decided to become a poet but not an engineer.

ever have one of those days when you just don't know?
...yeah...ah well. so thoughts?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 25, 2010   #2
First stanza: awesome
Second stanza: simplistic, but refreshingly simple, like a haiku
Third stanza: "I Hated Grapefruits" seems like a big step up from " "I never really liked grapefruits." It seems like if you are going to upgrade from never really liked to "hate" it should be part of the central meaning of the poem.

he would use all of the sugar up every last bit of it in his grapefruit and then i'd be too
embarrassed to get more.--- I wonder why you would be embarrassed to get more sugar after he used it all up. If you were the only one using sugar, maybe you could feel embarassed, but... he is the one who should have felt embarrassed for using it all!

even after i left for good
and decided to become a poet but not an engineer.

Is this because your father wanted you to be an engineer but you defy him because you resent him for making you eat grapefruit?

:-)


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