lostnnverfound 1 / 3 Dec 7, 2008 #1please review this poem...and tell me how can i make it better..it is an assignment due on wed.10,2008..the title of the poem is loneliness!! and be honest and mean i don't care i just want to know if its good or not and what can i change. also please correct me on my grammar mistakes..thank you!so here it is..Lonelinessshe remembers the time she first dreamtof becoming a mother, a wife, and a caring friendbut now her life hangs from a threadjust her shadow and heris what she sees in the mirrornow even her shadow starts to disappearthis loneliness is killing herthis emptiness is eating herof this loneliness will she ever be free?in her life will she ever dream?she thinks she is just a simple girlbut you know what girl, you are a pearlshe used to win the battles of life with glorynow she has become an emotional refugeenow she cries all daynow she stops only to praynot looking back in her past as it reminds her of all those fraysno one can see what she seesno can feel how she feelsno one can understand what she meansof this loneliness will she ever be free?in her life will she ever dream?now she sits there all aloneeven her shadow is now goneshe keeps praying all day longshe can't go home; there is nothing thereits nothing but fearits nothing but a broken dreamof this loneliness will she ever be free?in her life will she ever dream?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129 Dec 8, 2008 #2Instead of:just her shadow and heris what she sees in the mirrorYou can write:She and her shadowWere the only reflections in the mirror.Or something like that...I like this stanza a lot:now she sits there all aloneeven her shadow is now goneshe keeps praying all day longshe can't go home; there is nothing thereit's nothing but fearit's nothing but a broken dream