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Nepotism - A football match/game

Peaches07 5 / 20 6  
Feb 26, 2017   #1

This may come as a surprise to you but I did this so easily. Just like you said it would be if what one does align with one's passion

Though not an expert yet I am sure


Please, I would love opinions on my footy Nepotism Poem. Words is 395

Nepotism - A football match
One team to another

Why am I likened to a football match!?

Because that is your only shot on target
Spot on, if the cap fits
But today's shot is tame
It went out wide and did the team no good

It is said all the time 'What a great work rate nepotism has'
Always gives the game everything his tank has

A step nepotism took before
But can not find a way so
Today another step
Nepotism to the other team
It should be to you an important lesson for the tomorrow that is unknown

For nepotism is now called merely
Hear this today
Our team is called nepotism
Sometimes one can not defend against it

Stats warned them
But nepotism says equalize we go on to win the game
And we are free of nepotism
The neighboring team thinking 'Success can barely stand out there
It did not stop nepotism

Because nepotism had already been given the free - kick
Appealing for a penalty, the referee awards the free - kick the other way
The free - kick came to nothing/a right mess

Still lamenting? emerge from the other end and team
That was the team's best opportunity
Maybe they might have won
But it is not just going their way today
The decisions even for their best players!
Still sad??
Okay, let us see what you have got

Second half and still no sign of a winning goal
For the waited and waited then
What thou are waiting for???

The reply a murmur but audible
A chance to be rid of nepotism
ahh the wait has been long
Has it been?????

For the football match that is never ending
'Never say never'
To nepotism

And the table?
The neighbor way in front
As it stands, nepotism on top of the world!
The footballing and sporting world waiting for nepotism
Players also waiting and their managers

Baked, victory will ensue soon
For the other team
The aim is to lift the trophy
The table showing it to nepotism

Some teams can not mathematically retain its title of yesterday!!
For nepotism do not care that the losing team was on top of the world
Highly qualified too

You call me nepotism and I oblige and
Would hold my victory cup high for you to see
Crying 'Ohh nepotism'!!!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,886 4564  
Feb 27, 2017   #2
PAtience, hy is the title of your poem Nepostism? You do know that nepotism is "the practice among those with power or influence of favoring relatives or friends, especially by giving them jobs." I am not sure how nepotism fits in the world of football. The poem needs to set some background for this accusation before you go headlong into the complaints you have about nepotism within the game. I noticed that you are fond if giving the title a voice in the poem. Please stop doing that. That is how you end up confusing the meaning of stanzas. Just write your poems as the voice of the person experiencing or observing what is going on. The title's voice has to come from the writer.

The writer does not make the title speak in the essay unless he is a far advanced poet already. You are still an amateur, a beginner at best. So write in a simple manner. Do not try to write in the ways of the bard because you are not yet at an English level that allows you to do so.

Simplify the essay and, this is the first time i will ask you to do this, for your own good, write the English poem in the way that you would write it. Do not use Grammarly this time. I am going to teach you how to write a good poem, without using an online translator that, as I previously said, cannot and will not do an accurate job of translating what you want to say.

Why am I asking you to do this? You have to do it because this is a horrible English translation that will never make it past the preliminary screening round of the competition. I have no vested interest in this because I am not joining the competition. So I should not care what your writing sounds or reads like to the judges. However, I want to give you the best fighting chance that you can get to win the competition. Using Grammarly is not the way to do it. Grammarly is the best way to lose the competition at this point. It just doesn't translate the poem in a manner that makes sense. The same problems exist in this poem as it did for your other 2. I am being blunt here to help you. Not to insult you or tear down your work. The only way to help you, is to make you stop using the online program.

Grammarly works better when translating essays. It cannot translate poems because of the emotional and intellectual involvement required of the work. Please, listen to me this time. This is the best way to help you.
OP Peaches07 5 / 20 6  
Feb 27, 2017   #3

Sorry for making the same mistakes when you have been a good teacher. Actually, I do not write on Grammarly. I just copy and paste my work for grammar checks and correction. But I get a did not do a good job chosen nepotism as a game and then again missing my voice. I will keep trying to improve myself. For your advice is encouraging me and many others. Thank you!

Nepotism - A football match/game

Divided we fall, United we stand

Nepotism and favoring is the status quo
The time for one side to enjoy the rain
Nepotism favoring one side means I sit at the other side
Cursing and envious in pain

By so my heart on my sleeves I wear nepotism
The cry of injustice for all to see
Should I get a chance too?
If it were about skills and experience I have it
But it is about who you know

You too were given a chance to ascend
My glares says it all but
Not surprised nepotism is adamant
Hatred is now my skills and I must be careful so
I would not fall

For nepotism is a fertilizer for evil and
If I am not careful I may flat on my face to the ground

For humanity sake,
I wish for One nation, one people
But if this family can together see
Then let us be

Now enemies of each other
Can we really not mend our difference?
For our children and the tomorrow unknown
We may have a need for each other, too

Unity and Faith, Peace and Progress
Our nation's coat of arms
A grassy field proper, the yellow flowers at the base (incorrectly shown as red in the image) are Costus Spectabilis
National flower included
Found all over the and also stand for the beauty of the nation
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,886 4564  
Feb 27, 2017   #4
Stop copy pasting your work to Grammarly! Your poem is getting worse by the minute. With every cut and paste that you do for the translation, you are ruining what can be a very good poem. Here's what I can do for you. The only way I can help you is to prove to you that the translator will not work properly for your interests. Look at the partial rephrasing that I did of the Grammarly translation. Do you see how the version of a native English speaker is far different and more personal than the online translated version? Use it as the basis of your own revision, this time, I do not want to see any sign of you using Grammarly for the translation. If you cannot write in English, then do not join the competition. You will not win by using Grammarly for your poems. I guarantee that. You will not even be able to compete for consideration.
OP Peaches07 5 / 20 6  
Feb 27, 2017   #5

All I can say is that I am grateful, for you taking the time and effort to help us through our work. I appreciate, Thank you

I will do take heed of your advice.

And for my KGSP essay coming I hope, pray it will show through.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,886 4564  
Feb 28, 2017   #6
The five stanzas that I wrote for you would be sufficient in most cases. However, you need to add 2 more stanzas in order to properly close the poem. I know why you think you should use 5 stanzas. My stanzas have a clear train of thought in English and yours do not. The problem, is that you can't base your poem on my work alone. It has to contain some semblance of your own voice in it. Add 2 more stanzas to what I wrote, choose the best ones from what you have already written and add it to the poem. That will create a blended poem that has the clear voice of intentions at the start and the strong finish of the emotions and feelings that you have about nepotism at the end. Don't use just the 5 stanzas alone. You just need to pick 2 from what you have already written. How do you see the poem closing? Which of your written work do you feel delivers those last 2 elements? Add it and then show it to me so I can tell you if it works or not. I think it will.

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