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NYU supplement essay: haiku , poems, limericks e.t.c

ginny2345 12 / 22  
Jan 1, 2010   #1
Like an lion
Determined to catch its prey
I chase my dreams
And achieve them to the fullest

Like a giraffe
Who towers above all beasts
I stand out in a crowd
Like the missing piece of a puzzle

i really need help you guys..jst a few hours left
saad91 3 / 4  
Jan 1, 2010   #2
It is "like a lion"

I would replace the second stanza because it just makes me assume that you are tall. Emphasize another personal trait of yours.

Also, you weren't really concluding the second stanza very well with the last verse.

Hope this helped!
qomoco 24 / 107  
Jan 1, 2010   #3
if it's possible I reccommend you choose another topic perhaps? cause everyone talks about will power.

if you can't think of anything else like most ppl, then stick with it, the second doesn't make sense to me, if you stand above others, hwo can it suddenly become an puzzle that's missing?

anyway, about my UPenn community essay, it's still not clear even after I added

"Among the contributions I will make such as diversity and ideas to the larger Penn community, the best contribution I will make is to actually use what I learned from Wharton. Also I will pass down the knowledge to generations after. Inspired by Why Wharton: What is business? Business is Building Your Own Company - Ari Meisel Interview."
OP ginny2345 12 / 22  
Jan 1, 2010   #4
Like an lion

that was a typographical error

" Like a giraffe"
"who towers all beasts"
i dont mean height
the quality im trying to stress is its uniqueness
do u have an idea what i could use in place of a giraffe?
jyu104 14 / 46  
Jan 2, 2010   #5
Don't you think towering above all seems pretentious.

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