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Poem about the summer with 5 senses


Happystar 1 / 1  
Jun 18, 2011   #1
Hello
I have to write a poem which include the 5 senses and start by ''O'' and follow by ''the'' and a verb which end by ''ing''

It has to be developped and rich.

Here is what I wrote, can you edit it?

Summer
O the talking of birds about the heat of summer mesmerizing (hear)
O the melting ice because of the big fireball in the sky (see)
O the blossoming of flowers tickling our nostrils (smell)
O the melting ice cream in our mouth leaving a sweet taste (taste)
O the blowing wind which makes our hair fly (fell)

Thank you!
throllen 5 / 13  
Jun 19, 2011   #2
O the singing of birds praising the wonder of summer (hear)
O the melting ice by of the bright warm sun in the sky (see)
O the blossoming of flowers mesmerize our scent (smell)
O the drooling ice cream in our mouth leaving a sweet taste (taste)
O the running wind makes our hair dance (fell)

Meh, this is the best I could do lol
amrosca 4 / 130  
Jun 19, 2011   #3
One sound. The bell of morning rise is sorrowfully laughing.
Once more I open my eyes, but yet again I see nothing.
Only your perfume has remain, now disgustingly lapsing.
Oh, your mouth so sweet before, now an acrid corpse revealing.
Oh, my love, not in earth but here with me you shall be lying!

The husband won't bury his dead wife. It has something to do with summer, because summer is beautiful, but too hot. So it's beauty and agony. And his life is agony, but consoles himself with the beauty of his dead wife. :D Summer, ieeei!
OP Happystar 1 / 1  
Jun 19, 2011   #4
Thank you very much! You guys are soooo talented! :)
throllen: thank you thank you! your poem is much better than mine!
amrosca: lol what a great poem!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jun 20, 2011   #5
I think the word mesmerizing might not fit in the first line. The last line might not have enough of a "feeling" ... but by changing one word you could make it about a feeling.

Great poetry in this thread! Weird poetry, the best kind.

Oh, your mouth so sweet before, now an acrid corpse revealing.

Dark!!


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