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When I return from New York


mamaton 2 / 8  
Dec 27, 2011   #1
When I return from New York,
Bring me a handful of soil,
Let it dirty my glossy suit,
Let its smell fill my thirsty nose.

When I return from New York,
Make me a bowl of soup,
Where parsley blends with fish sauce,
Where the country taste defrosts my tongue.

When I return from New York,
Take me back to my cozy room,
Well as the American heaters work,
None parallel the duck-feather blanket with a ginger scent.

When I return from New York,
Take me on a bicycle ride,
To admire the fishmongers' beauty,
Far better than the long-legged girls and the tuxedoed lads.

When I return from New York,
Hold me in your secure arms,
Tell me never to leave,
Tell me the hamster wheel won't go on.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Dec 27, 2011   #2
I am so glad I had the opportunity to read your poem. You are an amazing writer, and if you are looking for an edit or revision, you'll get none from me. I read it 3 times, and I understand as much through what you did not say, as from what you did say. It broke my heart and also made me happy. Whatever else you do in you life, please keep writing poetry, as you are a very talented and expressive writer.
OP mamaton 2 / 8  
Dec 27, 2011   #3
It's my first poem so I feel very encouraged reading your comment. Haha I'm blushing. Thank you so much!
deremifri 9 / 137  
Dec 27, 2011   #4
Well, that is a weird admission essay. Haha I'm just kidding,
your poem really inspired me and took a lot of the hamster wheel pressure of the admission process of my back.
OP mamaton 2 / 8  
Dec 27, 2011   #5
Hello!
Glad to know that my work helped you a little. All the best for your MIT application :)
ibeckki 4 / 10  
Dec 27, 2011   #6
I. am. in. love. with. this.
Bravo, my friend. Nothing needs to be changed.
OP mamaton 2 / 8  
Dec 27, 2011   #7
Thank you! :)
But I guess I should switch the postitions of verses 3 and 4. Is there anyway to edit the poem above?


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