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A Sonnet I Wrote For my Shakespeare class

Notoman 20 / 419  
Oct 23, 2009   #1
For my Shakespeare class, we have to write a Sonnet. Not any old Sonnet, but it is supposed to be in response to one of the assigned Sonnets. AND ... we are supposed to pretend like Shakespeare's Sonnet was written to us from someone in our lives and our response is to that person. Confused yet? I know I am. UGH! This is so hard for me.

I chose Sonnet 19. It is really about the ravages of time, but I gave the interpretation a little twist. Instead of growing old, I tried to read into it growing up. I imagined that the poem was from my parents and that they were trying to freeze me in childhood. I changed it to just my mom because it made the rhyming easier.

I would love to hear feedback. I am much more comfortable writing essays than I am poetry. I was trying to go for iambic pentameter, but I don't think I hit it. In fact, I know I missed.

I have been under her thumb for many years;
Pinning me down with all her mustered might.
As the time for me to fly the nest nears,
She plucks my feathers afraid of the flight.
Frozen: A four by six inch slice of life
Tethered to the center of the fridge door.
I try scissors, clippers, and at last a knife
To shear the fetters and finally soar.
Time has chiseled me from a boy to a man.
Still the tow-headed toddler in her mind.
Entering the world without holding her hand,
Leaving the safety of my home behind.
I walk out with a promise to call her
And ask if I can borrow a dollar.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 23, 2009   #2
I think it will be better if you write this "to you." For example,

I have been under your thumb...

Pinning me down with all your mustered might.

Also, it's important to have Sonnet 19 available for reference right on the same page as this. I assume that is what you will do...

It is great! You write well, and I like how you rhymed "call her" with "dollar." :) The poem is really excellent.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Oct 23, 2009   #3
Well done. Great imagery, nice twist at the end. I wouldn't worry too much about the meter -- it takes awhile to get the hang of it, and you have a decent rhythm going in most of the lines anyway. I don't know if I would change much, actually. Poetry doesn't follow too many rules nowadays, so it's difficult to get it "wrong," as long as it sounds good, which your poem does.
shantilli1987 - / 1  
Oct 28, 2009   #4
I really liked how you ended the poem. lol really good
rafeeki92 4 / 7  
Nov 18, 2009   #5
ahaha your couplet was an amazing way to end your poem
brilliantly done, in my opinion
work2009 1 / 2  
Nov 26, 2009   #6
I love the way the poem flows when you say "time has chiseled me from a boy to a man". Very nice.
britishwriters - / 1  
Feb 25, 2012   #7
Shakespeare's Sonnet 138 and Sir Thomas Wyatt's "I find no peace" - compare?

Good afternoon,
I have to compare and contrast Shakespeare's Sonnet 138 and Sir Thomas Wyatt's "I find no peace." I am having trouble coming up with a thesis and would love some advice. Thanks!
JIA MEI - / 1  
Feb 26, 2012   #8
Compare and contrast poem , title is "Tree at my window " and "Desert Place" in grapic organizer, tq...

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