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HE WAS NOT A TEACHER....


bilal ABUZENAH 15 / 81  
Dec 16, 2009   #1
after I saw a new picture of my teacher...

I just figure it out...
I just knew it...
since I saw this picture.
this picture answers all of my questions....
Why my reading is so bad?
Why my writing is shit?
Why could not I talk for a minute without stopping?
Why I'm very weak in conversation?
It was not my fault....
the one who taught me was not a teacher....
he was a gangster....
he was a gang member...
he was a hustler....
Whatever he was, but he was not a teacher....
Luvdance16 5 / 12  
Dec 16, 2009   #2
The poem is somewhat ambiguous. What exactly are you trying to convey to readers?
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Dec 16, 2009   #3
bilal ABUZENAH

Hi, Bilal! Nice to see you back (where ya been??).

This poem is interesting, though I agree with Akua that it is ambiguous. Did you see your teacher's mug-shot in the morning paper or something? One small line of clarity would help this immensely. For instance, if your poem was about a teacher who got arrested, a stark 'headline' could be worked in with the poem <does that make any sense??

I have about ten million poems (exaggerating again...) written in times of angst that no one would understand; they could be good, but they are only good enough for me at this point, haha! What I would like to see at the beginning of many published poems that are frustratingly enigmatic is a brief explanation by the author. Some might think that would make the poem pointless, but sometimes I would like to see into someones mind for a second, ya know? Same goes for song lyrics.

Oh, well! Blue skies!
Jeannie
Rajiv 55 / 400  
Dec 17, 2009   #4
Your parting 'blue skies' makes your remarks appear more flippant than you probably intend them to be ! Your slightly exaggerated self-deprecatory end-of-each-sentence comment is also better omitted- in your own threads. That said, your tone is very level, and your general enthusiasm very refreshing.
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Dec 17, 2009   #5
Thanks for the critique of my personality, Rajiv. Was your intention to piss me off? You should try to know someone before you attempt such utterances; you would appear less foolish and malevolent that way...

Blues,

Jeannie

If you would take the time to left click on my name, you will be privy to every post I have ever made, and you will see that I am sincere. 'Blue skies' is very special to me, and everyone else gets it, so shut up. Thanks!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 19, 2009   #7
Bilal, here is my challenge for you:
If you do not already play the guitar, get one and use the internet to learn two chords: A major and G major. For some reason, I hear those chords in my head when I read your poem. The instrument does not hve to be a guitar, but that is what I hear in my head.

Why do you capitalize the first letter of each line sometimes and not other times?

Why all the dots...
there should just be 3 ...

How awful it is when someone tries to teach you something and they are not in a position to understand well enough to criticize!! How awful it is when someone plays the role of the teacher when that person is not in a position to know. And speaking of that, what's up with this strange exchange between two of my favorite people? ha ha, well, "words are a difficult means of communication." (Mitose). ha ha, let it all out here, and we can offend one another in educative ways.


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