TheFlameProof 4 / 20 Nov 28, 2008 #1i wrote a poem about writing. any suggestions?The things I've saidThe things I've saidI've said them onceand now those words are deadthey die mid-breathlike peanut butter magnetsand stir fried scrambled eggsthose things too will dieand rot away like bad breadtimes cold breathtime and time againHave gently cooledthe air's mindmany timesand many timeshave madeall other breathslost in its dewBut the words on the pageThat are written, not said,Times breath doesn't effectFor when words read on a pageBring back better memoriesthan rememberedWords seen on a pageIs times eternal breath in fleshThe things I've saidI've said them onceand now those words are deadand I've pronounced these wordsalong with many other fantastic wordstime and time againAs I walk with my wordsThrough my life and to my life's endIn hope I findThat some of those words are still livingat the same time (years later)as they are being read
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129 Nov 29, 2008 #2Thanks for posting this! I like it. I hesitate to offer suggestions for change. Some punctuation would be nice, though, to help me know how to read it. Imagine reading it for the first time--where would you need to pause? Use some periods, perhaps, and some semi-colons.:)Kevin