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"The things I've said" - a poem about writing


TheFlameProof 4 / 20  
Nov 28, 2008   #1
i wrote a poem about writing. any suggestions?

The things I've said

The things I've said
I've said them once
and now those words are dead
they die mid-breath
like peanut butter magnets
and stir fried scrambled eggs
those things too will die
and rot away like bad bread
times cold breath
time and time again
Have gently cooled
the air's mind
many times
and many times
have made
all other breaths
lost in its dew

But the words on the page
That are written, not said,
Times breath doesn't effect
For when words read on a page
Bring back better memories
than remembered
Words seen on a page
Is times eternal breath in flesh

The things I've said
I've said them once
and now those words are dead

and I've pronounced these words
along with many other fantastic words
time and time again

As I walk with my words
Through my life and to my life's end
In hope I find
That some of those words are still living
at the same time (years later)
as they are being read
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 29, 2008   #2
Thanks for posting this! I like it. I hesitate to offer suggestions for change. Some punctuation would be nice, though, to help me know how to read it. Imagine reading it for the first time--where would you need to pause? Use some periods, perhaps, and some semi-colons.

:)

Kevin


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