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The United Nations... They go there whenever they want to go...


bilal ABUZENAH 15 / 81  
Oct 24, 2009   #1
If you tell me your opinion about it thats would be great.

The United Nations ....
They go there whenever they want to go...
They go there if they get a call...
They go there if they fight or if they want a right...
They go there by plane, car, or train...
Anyway, the meeting will start soon...
Everybody prepares...
The Secret service is everywhere...
Whatever the result, it is not fair...
The meeting is starting...
Some of them are listening....
One is looking for his glasses under the chair...
One is picking his nose without care...
One is sleeping on the chair....
And
One is calling a white girl to hang out with her...
And the others are blaming each other
This is your fault, I am right, and this is all about, nothing new...
The meeting is done...
Every one wants to have fun...
Later at night one of them hang out with her
By mistake he leaves his underwear with her...
Next day, you will see her on the air on CNN or BBC
Asking for money for his underwear, but you know
Who cares?!!!
essayhelp 4 / 8  
Oct 24, 2009   #2
I don't get it, what is this supposed to be...a poem? What is this for and what is the prompt?
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Oct 24, 2009   #3
I like the jaded cynicism that the poem works its way into. Try cutting out as many of the small words as possible to tighten up the imagery. Alternatively, you could rewrite it so that you are using a set meter. Either would make your poem sound more poetic.
OP bilal ABUZENAH 15 / 81  
Oct 24, 2009   #4
it is just kind of describing the situation in the united nation.

and it mention to politicians scandal

By mistake he leaves his underwear with her...

Next day, you will see her on the air on CNN or BBC

Asking for money for his underwear


for example .

the New York x governor..
former president "Clinton"
kayyao 6 / 20  
Oct 31, 2009   #5
You used "chair" twice in three lines, is it a bit redundant, or you just want to create a rhyme?
i like your poem~~
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Nov 2, 2009   #7
Ha! I just noticed the "chair" again too! Funny. Do you have a thing about chairs? Hmmm.(just kidding)
Anyway, you do need to tighten this one up a bit. I get your meaning perfectly, and I am certainly no expert on poetry, but it reads long.

The cadence doesn't match with the rhymes, and the rhymes, in my opinion, take something away from the rhythm of the visualization and distract from the substance of your message.

It is either a poem or prose; together, it just doesn't work for me.
I like the message, though, and agree wholeheartedly!
Blue skies, Bilal!
Jeannie
OP bilal ABUZENAH 15 / 81  
Nov 18, 2009   #9
may you tell me your opinion about it?


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