Unanswered [17] | Urgent [0]

Home / Poetry   % width Posts: 3

Various short poems- i wrote these poems last year for my English 3 honors class

hbsflute2010 1 / 2  
Dec 23, 2009   #1
i just want to know if they are good:


Playing the flute is like a rough rain,
It sooths the soul when you're miserable,
It slowly eases the hardening pain;
It keeps you going when you're joyful
You have a feeling you might go insane
All you have to do is be careful;
Playing the flute is like a soft, sprinkling rain

Shy Then Outgoing

I used to be a bicycle,
Unspoken and shy,
Nevertheless, now I am a train,
Thunderous and like a fly


I saw enchantment clearly,
He was tall, dark and handsome,
He turned slowly as he waltz toward me,
I saw his huge florescent blue eyes,
And heard him angelically speak,
And I felt the fiery red spread all over me


China plates falling on the ground
Rakes that have been used a trillion times
A fragile bone on a young, sick child
Computer monitors lying on a chaotic floor
Kitchen merchandise from the 16th century


You welcome me with a bright sunny yellow,
Your lively, pretentious hello,
Its like the sun way up high,
The vivacious venom perceives to lie,
Why, oh why, you show me you jubilant wink,
It tells me that I should be ecstatic....I think

Charli Puppy

My Charli puppy, you cute charming dog,
Protector of your owner that is me,
Your noisy howling is like a song,
Smile on your face shows happiness you see

My Big Brother

My brother you see
He extremely does love me
Isn't he just sweet?

Life is like a Seder

Life is like a Passover Seder
Full with life's litter,
It has a begging where everyone is content
The appreciation that everyone has repeatedly sent,
It has a middle where chaos can happen without any warnings
Wondering if we'll wake up afterwards in the morning,
It has an end full of hope for those we love and care for
Wishing that we could have done more,
But for now we will just sit and pray
That tomorrow would be a better day

A Little Girl

There once was a little girl
Who loved her tight bouncy curls
When they were gone
Her hair seemed long
She just sat there nervously and twirled

Family Vacations

My family is unique in every way
We love to travel to historic places
In hotel rooms after learning we lay
Exploring, and meeting new exciting faces
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 24, 2009   #2
The one about Yellow seems simplistic in the way you wrote the lines to accommodate the rhymes... I do not like it as much as the others. I also don't like the ending of the poem about your big brother, because it seems like a superficial observation "isn't he sweet?"

But nevermind that! The more important point is that you are a genius! This is great poetry, especially the first 2. those are my favorites! Thanks so much for sharing these. I think you must already know that you write very well.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 27, 2009   #3
Actually, I just noticed that you did not give very much help to people yet; you certainly have the necessary knowledge to help a lot of EF members, though!


Home / Poetry / Various short poems- i wrote these poems last year for my English 3 honors class