I am writing a research essay for my Eng 102 class at Rio Salado in Arizona. I was hoping to receive some overall feedback on my paper. I have not written too many research papers or used the MLA style citations before. I have listed three areas at the end of the paper that I feel I need to work on. This is a rough draft so any feed back would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Lori Silva
[b]Arizona's Wide Gap between Classes is Core Cause of Rise of Number in Foster Care
Research shows the trickle-down effect of a widening gap between the rich and the poor as the core reason the wellbeing of Arizona's children is currently in a state of crisis. Arizona currently leads the nation in the number of children entering into a group home or shelter at an alarming rate of 600 children per month. The number of children in foster care in the state of Arizona is over 14 thousand and rising. Law makers, Politian's, Child Protective Services, and Arizona citizens are all pointing fingers and making excuses. Some are saying meth has become an epidemic and others feel that more depressed low income citizens are the reason for the current crisis, but why is meth and epidemic and why are low income citizens more depressed than any other time?
Never in the history of Arizona have there been more children in need of a bed without enough beds available and all due to the lack of equal opportunity available as our nation tries to recover from a devastating recession. The employment rate between American's who are paid the most and those who are paid the least is now being reported to be the largest gap in recorded history. Rates of unemployment for the lowest-income families - those earning less than $20,000 - have topped 21 percent, nearly matching the rate for all workers during the 1930s Great Depression. Currently, families making approximately $150,000 a year have a 3.2% unemployment rate which is usually defined as full employment, while people making middle income wages are being forced into lower wage jobs which are replacing low income workers who have become unemployed. "This was no 'equal opportunity' recession or an 'equal opportunity' recovery," said Andrew Sum, director of the Center for Labor Market Studies at Northeastern University. "One part of America is in depression, while another part is in full employment." ("Gap in US unemployment rates between rich and poor continues to widen")
When looking at the core reason of why Arizona's children are being taken from their homes left and right you can begin to see the horrible trickle-down effect. When looking at the widening gap between the economic classes and being able to see that those who struggle are often unemployed, over worked, and under paid you begin to see where the depression stems from. In a recent article in The Future of Children volume Preventing Child Maltreatment, authors Mark Testa and Brenda Smith found that co-occurring risk factors such as parental depression, social isolation, homelessness, or domestic violence may be more directly responsible than substance abuse itself for maltreatment (Donahue, "Substance Abuse Treatment Alone Often Not Enough to Stem Child Abuse and Neglect"). Crisis Nursery, Arizona's oldest running children's shelter's philosophy is "Breaking the Cycle". The long term goal for Crisis Nursery is to train their foster parent's to help break the cycle the children's parents have become victims of. If children were taught coping skills early in life they would be less likely to turn to drugs or alcohol as adults and in turn prevent maltreatment of their children. Donahue writes in her blog that, "Research on whether prevention programs reduce drug abuse or help parents control substance use and improve their parenting has had mixed results, at best. The evidence raises questions generally about the effectiveness of substance abuse services in preventing child maltreatment. Such services, for example, raise only marginally the rates at which parents are reunified with children who have been placed in foster care." (Donahue, "Substance Abuse Treatment Alone Often Not Enough to Stem Child Abuse and Neglect")
The ones who understand the cycle the best are the children and families directly effect by the vicious cycle. Author, Cris Beam who is a foster parent herself, wanted to show the world what was happening first hand and wrote a book called "To The End of June" where she interviewed many foster parents and children and let their stories explain speak for themselves, "this is a system plagued with deep racism and classism and the state-sanctioned separation of family members. We've been building a system for children on a sinking foundation." (Beam 89)
Arianna Robinson, previously a Licensing Agent for Crisis Nursery and now an employee for Department of Economic Services, states that back in 2006 or earlier, the state of Arizona was actually running in a surplus of money. "That money was partially going to prevention programs of all kinds. Healthy Families, Parents as Teachers, daycares, CPS all of these places provided services to families to help them better understand child development, parenting, proper discipline techniques, etc. Since the economic crisis these were some of the first programs cut."
It does not make any sense for the government to cut back on the exact things that are most needed in a state of crisis. When there is lack of jobs there needs to be services in place to help those in need get back on their feet and help the economy recover. Arianna went on to say, "that some years ago CPS had three options: dismiss, take action or provide connection to community services. Because those services are few and far between, because the funding isn't there, now CPS appears to have two options: pull or ignore. When in doubt, they pull." This is saying that when Arizona was in a state of crisis they only made matters worse for its children.
We need to always remember that even though we are going through a crisis our children are still growing and learning. All forms of education and education prevention should never be cut if its purpose is to fix an already critical problem. Education begins first with preschool where studies show that children who attend preschool have a higher chance of graduating high school. Once we educate our children and they are ready for college the only way they will be able to break out of the low income life they were born into is to be given the opportunity for an affordable education. Research shows that low income children are less likely to go to and stay in college due to financial hardship.
Since depression is the first symptom in the trickledown effect leading to the prime cause for child maltreatment than we must make it our first priority, as a state and nation, to educate children of all classes on how to cope with life's stressors, provide them with quality affordable education, and ingrain in them the extreme importance of health and proper nutrition. Shaundra Santos, Arizona State CASA, is an advocate for children in foster care. Shaundra volunteers her time to be the one constant in a child's life while they are forced to live away from everything they have always known. As a CASA, Shaundra feels that Life skill training is the most important tool children in foster care need due to the fact that they have not been exposed to ones that are appropriate.
Education needs to start before something bad happens. The people who are losing their children should have been taught appropriate life skills so that they would raise their children to have appropriate life skills as well. Instead, parents who lose their children were raised in pure survival mode living in poverty and taking on stress in ways children of well off parent's would never be able to fathom. As humans we learn and grow by example it is our nature to mature according to how we were conditioned. If we are aware of this being our nature then all adults must make it their focus to model healthy behaviors and teach our youth appropriate life skills. These skills do not need special funding they merely need someone demonstrating them. Author, Shirley M Vasaly agrees that the solution to our crisis starts at the core of her problem in her book "Foster care in five States: A synthesis and analysis of studies from Arizona, California, Iowa, Massachusetts, and Vermont" that she feels as though the problems have never fixed and the reason may be due to the fact that people at the authority level chose to prioritize their solutions at the level of immediate solutions as opposed to finding ways to fix them from happening again in the future which leads back to educating the masses before there is a problem." (Vasaly)
Education begins first with preschool where studies show that children who attend preschool have a higher chance of graduating high school. Once we educate our children and they are ready for college the only way they will be able to break out of the low income life they were born into is to be given the opportunity for an affordable education. Research shows that low income children are less likely to go to and stay in college due to financial hardship.
Once we educate our children society needs to create a step two and make education beyond high school more attainable and affordable for all citizens....
Another form of education that needs to start at the core level is nutrition. Some would think it is common knowledge that eating healthy food, as opposed to fast food and junk food, directly affects ones moods and outlook on life but unless these skills are taught and modeled how one is expected to live a healthy life style and make healthy choices? In Wisconsin they have incorporated nutrition education in more ways than one. According to University of Wisconsin they incorporated nutrition education to children ages 6-17 in forty different counties by not only going to their schools, but summer schools, libraries, public health clinics, summer feeding sites, HeadStart, and a variety of Community Action agencies. (Family Living Programs Impact Report) It should be required that all children learn proper nutrition skills all through their school years. A society that glamourizes fast food and rewards kids with toys if they eat there is bound to create the impoverished society that we now live in.
Life can pose to be very stressful for anyone, but add in poor nutrition, lack of education, and no money then the stress becomes depression and depression leads to substance and or physical abuse. Depression is caused by fear. If children do not know the proper way to deal with fears than how do they become adults that know how to cope with fears? Dr. Sandra Crosser wrote a two part series on "Childhood fears: How to cope" where her research concluded that, "When preschool teachers asked 272 children to name their fears and coping strategies, the children named 456 fears and generated more than 400 strategies to cope with those fears (Jones & Crosser, 1993). However, many of the named strategies involved aggressive bravado (e.g., kill it, stab it) and escapism (e.g., run, hide). It appears that children may need assistance in thinking of realistic strategies they could employ independently to reduce or eliminate their own fearful feelings. (Crosser, "Childhood fears: How to cope") Dr. Crosser also explains that early on we must teach our children to first become aware of both normal developmental and individualized fears, then promote autonomy, followed by preparing our children in advance of potentially fear-inducing situations, and then acting as a resource for comfort and security, being sure to then modeling effective strategies, and finally incorporate information on coping strategies into curriculum. (Crosser, "Childhood fears: How to cope")
It is apparent that we need to model and educate healthy life styles, academically, and how to cope with life's stressors but what do we do about those children already in the foster care system? In 2012 governor Jan Brewer signed a bill that is at least helping the children currently affected by the foster care crisis in Arizona. Brewer signed Senate Bill 1208 that offers free in state college to children that have been part of the foster care system. This is a wonderful road to recovery for the thousands of children who are part of Arizona's foster care system, but what about those children who live the same life styles of those in foster care but were never removed from their homes. All children deserve the opportunity for furthering their education.
Taking on someone else's children can be very intimidating when you feel you already have enough of your own life challenges but honestly in order to help our societies future more foster families are needed. It takes a village to raise a child. Blogger Rob Watson is an advocate for the LGBT community and wrote on a blog on the pros and cons of being a foster parent. "In many cases your child will be in need of emotional healing. Sometimes this plays out through bad behavior. Your good intentions will be foreign to your child, and even though those intentions are healthy, they may not be embraced immediately or in the way you hope and expect. The process will demand patience and determination to get through. The process also demands that you lovingly care for a child who may become your permanent adoptive child, but also that you be lovingly detached enough to let go if the birth parent is successful in completing their reunification requirements. The system was designed to protect and be optimal for the child, which unfortunately may require superhuman qualities from the foster parent." (Watson, "Foster Care Adoption: The 5 Reasons Why You Don't Want to Do It, and the 5 Greater Reasons Why You Do) As a foster parent myself I admit that raising children who have skipped steps in their neurological, physical, and emotional development is very challenging but when you look into their heart you realize they are just the same as you and I, and all they want is to be loved.
There are many other ways to help our children currently in the foster care system. If being a foster parent isn't something you feel you are cut out for there are many other ways you can help children in foster care. Helen's hope chest was a life changing experience for college student Taylor Christensen who decided she wanted to give back by volunteering. "I have little experience with the foster family community. After spending only two weeks working with Mesa United Way, I was wonderfully surprised by my passion to support the foster community." (Mesa United Way, "Volunteering at Helen's Hope Chest enriches ASU student's life") Donating time, money, or material items to any non-profit whose goal is to help those in need is one step to changing our society's future.
At the core level we have concluded that the rise in children in the foster care system is Arizona's problem is the gap between the poor and the rich. If we, as a society, provided more equal opportunities for families at all stages in life, volunteered our homes and time to those already in need, and provided and modeled an appropriate life skills we have the recipe for the makings of a healthy happy state.
Work Cited
Yvonne Wingett Sanchez, Alia Beard Rau. N.p.. Web. 14 Dec 2013.
Emily Bregel, . N.p.. Web. 14 Dec 2013.
Veronica Cruz, . N.p.. Web. 14 Dec 2013.
Elisabeth H. Donahue, . N.p., n. d. 14 Dec 2013.
Shirley M Vasaly, . Foster care in five states: a synthesis and analysis of studies from Arizona, California, Iowa, Massachusetts, and Vermont. South Carolina, Charleston, United States: Nabu Press, 2011. Print.
Mesa United Way, . N.p.. Web. 14 Dec 2013.
"Gap in US unemployment rates between rich and poor continues to widen." The Times, 16 September 2013. Web. 15 December 2013.
Donahue, Elizabeth. "Substance Abuse Treatment Alone Often Not Enough to Stem Child Abuse and Neglect". Princeton Bookings, 16 December 2009. Web. 14 December 2014.
Cris Beam, To the End of June: The Intimate Life of American Foster Care. Boston, Back Bay, United States: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2013. Print.
Shirley M Vasaly, . Foster care in five states: a synthesis and analysis of studies from Arizona, California, Iowa, Massachusetts, and Vermont. South Carolina, Charleston, United States: Nabu Press, 2011. Print.
Robinson, Arianna. Personal interview. 1 Jan. 2014.
Santos, Shaundra. Personal interview. 30 Dec. 2013.
Where my essay could be stronger:
1. I could have been more aware of proper transitions between paragraphs.
2. The work cited needs to be properly written.
3. Not all quotations are cited properly.
Hi Lori.
I think there is plenty of room to improve on this draft. The biggest problem with your essay now is it's pretty hard to read, literally, perhaps even figuratively as a consequence thereof.
First of all, I promise you it's much easier to read a passage when it is split up into visually distinct paragraphs as opposed to when t's a sea of words and they all look the same.
So my first point of advice would be to organize the essay so it is readable. Consider that you have over 2500 words... This means you should either narrow the scope significantly, or assign a logical system of breaking it all into paragraphs.
What I would do is combine both ideas. In essence this is how the essay should have been written in the first place, so you will just have to work backwards from what you have.
The good point is, you already have much of the content. Now, you must approach the essay like a proper academic exercise. What this means is, having researched all the factors and having familiarized yourself with the surrounding issues, you need to report the results of your research in a way that is precise.
So you can easily cut back by about 1/3 on the sheer number of words. I don't want to get into the specifics of the essay, because there's too much to discuss that doesn't work -- of course, once you gather your thoughts and identify the ideas you want to expound on, your essay will be a great deal more academic, so to speak.
Great. So I think the public health phenomenon of Arizona having so many disadvantaged kids can help to show a good candidate topic. But do you want to discuss foster kids in Arizona only? Maybe it would be in your best advantage to increase the relevance of the topic by focusing on kids throughout who are suffering bad upbringings or who live in difficult circumstances. I certainly think so. One common device is to bring up the issue of a major societal ill. Then the next step is to highlight a regional area that has suffered the adverse effects to a much greater degree than on average across the society. The investigator will then turn to trying to understand the community that has been worse effected so as to gain insight that can help people on the whole.
So, you're certainly not limited in the number of different avenues to broach the issue. I'll say though: You must be firm on the central issue you are writing about, because everything else will flow as a function of the topic. I did peek back at you opening lines. What I see is a confusion about how you will tackle the issue throughout your essay. For example, you allude to income inequality right off the bat. Now, even if income inequality was by far and away the cause of these ills, by putting income inequality before anything else, you have effectively made income inequality the focus of the essay. So the essay could easily be how income inequality is causing disastrous social problems. See, income inequality can be examined and shown to have terrible consequences. But the topic is income inequality. Now, instead of throwing out potential causes or reasons, it would behoove you to establish what it's like to live in a world totally different from the one most people are accustomed to. Now you're researching what you thought you were researching.
And from the academic research papers I have read, in this context the author could do what I'm saying here, more as a means to provide sufficient background to the issue, before they embark on their efforts to explain what their research, investigative, and analytical judgment bring to bear on the issue.
Feel free to shift into a different role to facilitate the mode of discussion you will be undertaking in order to advance the discussion based on your best judgment analytical imperative that you will support with insight.
