Please note that this paper is being posted for a peer review.
I am seeking answers to these questions:
1. What are the three areas of weakness in this essay?
2. What is done well in this essay?
3. What is the thesis statement? Does it contain a strong opinion and specific focus? Explain.
Thank you for any assistance you can offer.
Can Disney World Florida Protect Your Family and Remain "the happiest place on earth"?
English 102 Draft
Professor Warner
August 5, 2020
Disney, a pioneer in creating wholesome theme parks, is taking dramatic steps to ensure that its guests will have a safe, fun visit to Walt Disney World Florida as it reopens after its four-month closure due to the Coronavirus pandemic.The Coronavirus pandemic is creating changes in the American culture that will affect large gatherings of people for a very long time. (Davis) As the United States determines how to keep our country safe during an international pandemic one main action is isolation (Wynne). Isolation includes "social distancing" which is becoming common across the United States and includes wearing a face mask in public and keeping six feet away from people in gatherings (Schwartzel). Isolation is particularly affecting families as schools, nurseries, and daycare centers close requiring parents to determine how to care for their children at home (Koh). Many people are also not working outside their homes as non-essential businesses close down. Many of these are parents who now are at home. Another measure that states are taking to ensure that United States citizens are safe is temporarily closing businesses that would bring together large groups of people (Siemaszko). One of the largest entertainment industries in the world, The Walt Disney Corporation, had to stop or modify much of its operations including its theme parks. Their first park, Disneyland California, and their largest and most visited park, Walt Disney World Florida, closed on March 14, 2020 (Arora).
The Disney theme parks are a nostalgic part of American culture that has been serving families since July 17, 1955 (Barnes, et al). Disneyland California came from Walt's vision to create "the happiest place on earth," an imaginative place where families could have fun together in a clean, wholesome atmosphere (Harrington; Barnes). Disneyland became the format for the family theme park, in contrast to the "dirty" and disorganized traveling carnivals (Harrington).
Embracing Walt Disney's vision, Roy Disney opened the Magic Kingdom in Walt Disney World Florida on October 1, 1971 (Harrington). Walt Disney World Florida now includes four theme parks, Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Hollywood Studios, and Animal Kingdom and two water parks (Dodridge). Walt Disney World in Florida has become a major tourist attraction with rides, restaurants, resorts, theaters, and fireworks, all within clean and beautifully maintained flora (Dodridge; Wolfe, 03:15-05:21). Disney World is the "biggest single-site employer in the country" (Siemaszko). "There's deciding on which of the four theme parks and two water parks to visit, where to stay, where to eat, what experiences to make time for, and how to navigate around the 40-square-mile resort (which is about the size of San Francisco)." (Cheshire) "Walt Disney World consists of six separately ticketed parks with combined annual attendance of 93 million." (Barnes) "Major Disney parks can handle 80,000 people a day." (Barnes)
On July 11, 2020, Walt Disney World Florida reopened with many changes implemented to create a safe atmosphere in a group setting. Many of these changes may be welcome, some may be annoying, and some include a loss of favorite experiences. ("Walt Disney World Resort Phased Reopening and Important Information"; Smith; Barnes; Wynne) The areas of safety and change addressed by Disney's Chief Medical Officer Dr. Pamela Hymel is related to health, cleaning and disinfecting, using technology, employee training, and encouraging guests to work together with Disney by following the safety guidelines. (Hymel) Masks are being enforced with signs and roving cast members to make sure guests are complying: "Guests will not receive their ride photos if they were not wearing a mask on the ride. The public relations director at Walt Disney World confirmed with CNN that the company has an existing policy of suppressing photos if someone is doing something unsafe on the ride. Not wearing a mask would be consistent with that policy." (Chen, Silverman)
While the pandemic is disrupting the world and the idea of going to Walt Disney World brings hope of a return to normal, perhaps this is not the best time to take a trip to Florida. (Wynne; Figueroa; Chen and Silverman) The Coronavirus is still a threat and some out-of-state visitors will even be required to quarantine for two weeks upon entering Florida. (Cheshire) Many countries also still have restrictions so out-of-country visitors will not be able to come to Florida. Walt Disney World's exciting reopening is accompanied by the news of 10,000 new cases of the Coronavirus in Florida (Wynne). The theaters and shows will not be available at Walt Disney World due to a union requirement of having all cast members (employees) tested for Coronavirus (Wynne; Siemaszko; Schwartzel and Flint). Disney refused this solution and rescinded on calling actors back to work at Walt Disney World. Some of the favorites with children, like Turtle Talk with Crush at Epcot, character meet-and-greet, and evening fireworks will not be happening (Barnes; DeRubertis; Stieg). While wearing a mask is a normal part of preventing the Coronavirus in crowds, the guests will mostly be outdoors walking from one place to another and it can be very hot in Florida (Barnes). Even children ages three and up are required to wear a mask (Hymel). It is hard to imagine screaming and laughing on a ride with a mask in front of one's smile.
It is important in these changing times to have a touch-stone, like Walt Disney World Florida, that can keep the visions of the past alive. If anyone could manage a safe and fun family experience in a large group of people, it would be the Disney corporation. They have done an excellent job in opening Walt Disney World Florida. However, at this time, there is too much to miss, too much discomfort, and too many cases of Coronavirus still hanging in the air. As the pandemic is likely to be a part of our society for a long time, it is important for the well-being of families and others to know that they can rely on Disney theme parks to continue to offer safe, reliable fun. Perhaps, the pioneering work by Disney will become a model for future times as a way to keep us safe from another pandemic.
Works Cited (removed, not needed here)Hi, I would like to give you my opinion of your essay.
I would like to answer your third question]
I guess the thesis of your essay is despite Disney Florida is doing a good job as an anticipation for the global pandemic, it is still recommended to not visit public spaces. (Or is it the contrary?). I think your essay is not firm enough, as it says contrary statements in a balanced state.
For example I take the first sentence from your penultimate paragraph --> While the pandemic is ... Seems like you don't approve visiting public spaces.
However in your last paragraph you wrote --> If anyone could ... They have done an ... You applauded Disney.
Then you disapproved the idea of going outside --> However, at this time, there...
But right after that you supported Disney (it is a public space) --> As the pandemic is ... Perhaps, ...
Maybe you can sharpen the arguments supporting your thesis.
Hope this helps :)
