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'History and Attraction of Anime' - Questions on my Rough Draft


mokaiba 1 / 1  
Aug 19, 2012   #1
I am aware of my thesis and conclusion issues. My teacher had me submit this to a peer review. I chose the school tutor people and even though the assignment said to ask the questions below they never did answer them (felt peer review was a waste of time). I addressed this with my teacher and even she refused to answer the questions that she provided. So, even though the peer review is graded, I want these questions answered to give me insight on my paper...so I am posting them in this forum.

Rough Draft:
History and Attraction of Anime
This research paper will give an history of anime, the effect it has had on the world and the United States of America, and how anime can help students. Anime teaches us how to read and speak other languages, how to cook and build, and helps us learn about social situations and how to properly react to them. There is an estimated 800-million anime watchers on the planet with about 100-million living in America. So many people in the world have watched and will watch anime who will never realize they are watching an anime. It is this author's belief that anime is the ultimate form of entertainment and the greatest attraction that man has ever made for viewing.

First. to learn about anime, we must first learn about its origins in Japan. Manga came before anime in the form of art then books. The first mangas came in the form of Zen art. There were many famous zen artworks with many made by Hakuin. Hakuin would often draw a person expressing the koan of 'what is the sound of one hand,' which is an existential question. Many scrolls from the tenth-century were "...satirical picture scrolls...that depicted members of the aristocracy as frolicking beasts..." (Napier 73) that were quite amusing to commoners but not the aristocrats. As time passed in Japan, so did the advances in artwork, which allowed The Tale of Genji to be illustrated. Throughout the history of Japanese mangas, culture was a major influence in the artwork. Bushido and Zen Buddhism were both major influencers that helped the style to flourish.

Second, anime did not exist until the 1960s and originated in Japan. Tetsuwan Atomu was the first anime and it was a radical anime due to the robot having an atomic heart during times that the Japanese still remembered the nuclear bombings. Tetsuwan Atomu was made in 1963 and was an anime created by Osamu Tezuka that was about a robot with an atomic heart ("Tetsuwan Atomu" 1). The creation of this anime was a turning point in Japan. Before this anime, Japan was considered a country that merely copied America. Manga in the past and Anime in the 1960s allowed Japan to become a cultural power in the world.

Third, several important animes came out during the 1960s and 1970s. As time went on, so did the creation of animes in Japan. Animes that came out in the 1960s were Speed Racer and Bird of Fire. Animes that came out in the 1970s were Captain Harlock: Space Pirate, Space Cruiser Yamato, Galaxy Express, and Mobile Suit Gundam. Mobile Suit Gundam was the first anime to work on detailed character development. By the end of the 1970s, anime was starting to become on par with 'real-life' movies with its action sequences, storylines, and character developments.

Fourth, more animes that further developed the content of anime came out during the 1980s and 1990s. Major leaps in animation led to several popular animes and movies. Popular animes that aired during the 1980s were Urusei Yatsura, Maison Ikkoku, Ranma F, and Macross.The first anime movies were aired in the 1980s. Some popular anime movies in the 1980s were Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind, Castle in the Sky, Only You, Beautiful Dreamer, Queen Millennia, and My Youth in Arcadia.By the 1990s, anime was starting to be influenced by western culture. The creation of anime movies allowed many artists in Japan to further their careers, which led to many famous animes being created. By the end of the 1990s, anime started evolutionize with technology by being more readily available worldwide.

Fifth, the impact anime has had on the world had been great. First, anime was heavily present in the Final Fantasy video games that were distributed to consoles worldwide and second, an advancement in technology allowed the world to experience the first realistic anime named, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. The Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within movie was anime on an entirely different level. The images of the anime looked "...like a photograph of an actually existing human being who could come from anywhere..." (Park 3). The movie influence many talented artists and programmers to create companies that only focused on animation. One company that many will recognize is an American company named Pixar. Cartoon-style and realistic-style anime have both influenced the world.

Sixth, the impact anime has had in the United States of America has led to many creative ideas. Several popular children's cartoons are either an anime or based on the anime style. Dragonball Z Kai is an anime from Japan and the anime style influences can be seen in Phineas and Ferb, SpongeBob, and Kung Fu Panda. Dragonball Z Kai is an anime from Japan and the anime style influences can be seen in Phineas and Ferb, SpongeBob, and Kung Fu Panda. But to understand why so many cartoons are influenced by anime you must go to the beginning. The first anime from Japan to air in America was Astro Boy (Tetsuwan Atomu). Astro Boy became a national hit that "...inspired many of the First Wave anime fans..." ("A Global History of Anime" 1). Once you watch a few episodes of Astro Boy you will start to notice the similarities in other cartoons made even decades later. Spirited Away is another anime that influenced American culture. Many people will probably think Spirited Away is an american release, however, it is a dubbed Japanese anime licensed to Disney in America. Disney ruined the release of this movie and not many Americans got to see it in 2002. Disney commonly releases its movies to 3000 or more theaters on opening day. However, Disney only released Spirited Away to 100 theaters of which many were just art houses. Eventually, though, Spirited Away was seen by many Americans (Adhend 1). Anime frequently influences Americans even when they do not realize they are being influenced by it.

Seventh, anime is helpful to college students who are learning about other cultures. Many teachers who teach Japanese will recommend students to watch animes to learn the language and culture faster. "Animation and other popular culture texts motivate and teach students about language, society, and culture" (Fukunaga 1). Anime is heavily influenced by the Japanese culture. To have a well-rounded view on japan a student should watch several Japanese animes.

Finally, ???
KhanhZ 5 / 131 7  
Aug 20, 2012   #2
Greetings, Tim G.)
I learned quite a bit about anime from your work, but why didn't you mention" Cowboy Bebop"? cos' it's really good.

Anyway, besides some suggestions I wrote below, really don't start all new paras using numerals and try varying your sentence structures more.

Now the questions:

1. What does the writer do well in this essay? Well, the first 2 para were quite instructing, the most of the rest were kinda jumping through timeline of anime history, without adding any substantial details on significant works of the periods.

2. What does the writer need to work on in this essay?varying sentence structure, add more descriptions of significant works
3. State the main point of this essay.ah.. it's about history of anime and the point is anime influenced the world culture a lot

4. Does the introduction grab your attention? Does it lead smoothly to a thesis? If not, what could the writer do to improve it? I think the author should rephrase his thesis. and rework partly everything

5. What is the thesis statement? Does it contain a strong opinion and specific focus? Explain.It is this author's belief that anime is the ultimate form of entertainment and the greatest attraction that man has ever made for viewing. I think , this thesis is too radical, stating anime is the best form of entertainment.

6. Does each paragraph develop one main idea? Describe the main idea of each paragraph (five words or less for each). Does each topic sentence tie back to the thesis? Most of paras don't contribute to the whole idea, because they lack enough analysis of the specific period of anime development. and not all of them have topic sentences.

7. Does the writer offer evidence for the points he or she makes in each paragraph? If so, is the evidence convincing? Didn't see much evidence

8. Does the writer use transitions between paragraphs and ideas? Not well
9. Does the conclusion briefly summarize in a fresh way the writer's main argument and then end on a memorable note (such as a quotation, thought, image, or call to action)? What is that memorable impression that the conclusion leaves? well, for now the author haven't finished the conclusion ))

10. Are quotations integrated smoothly? Do they flow with the grammar of the sentence? Are all quotations cited correctly? no quotes detected
11. Is there a Works Cited page reflecting each author quoted in the body of the essay? Are the entries of the Works Cited page in correct MLA format? Are they alphabetized? Does each entry have all the necessary citation information? Does the Works Cited section appear on its own page? ---

12. Is the essay formatted correctly (margins, font, spacing, etc.)? If not, what needs to be corrected? look above and use italics for names and titles

13. Does the essay have a creative title that describes the purpose/point of the paper in a catchy, clear way? The title is kinda basic and straightforward

14. Are there grammar and spelling errors in the essay? not any that I've noticed
OP mokaiba 1 / 1  
Aug 20, 2012   #3
thanks, this is helpful.
KhanhZ 5 / 131 7  
Aug 20, 2012   #4
Glad to help)


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