It seems unlikely that the oldest profession in the world would also obtain the title of one of the most controversial. However, even in a century in which society has changed many traditional viewpoints, the legalisation of prostitution still remains a divisive topic of conversation. Post 1980, this said conversation has become a subject of legislative action. Several European countries, most notably the Netherlands and Germany (among others) have legalised and/or decriminalised systems of prostitution. New Zealand joined these countries in the year of 2003 through the notorious movement known as "The Prostitution Reform Act". But was this decision beneficial to our nation's welfare? Do the assets of prostitution domineer the immorality of the act itself? In an attempt to solve my inquisitions I have devised a series of questions in which I believe provide me with a stable platform on which I can develop an educated opinion, and through this presentation I hope to grant others with the same knowledge.
This is an introduction to a report in which I have to be completely unbiased, hence why I didn't state an opinion.
Please help and give critique where you can!!!
Hi, Nicole Rose. Here are my thoughts on your introduction:
However, even in a century in which society has changed many traditional viewpoints, the legalisation of prostitution still remains a divisive topic of conversation. I try not to start sentences with "However," so I would suggest phrasing it this way:Even though we live in a time in which many traditional viewpoints have been challenged and changed, the legalisation of prostitution remains a divisive topic of conversation.
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Post 1980, this said conversation has become a subject of legislative action. I think "this said conversation" is a bit unclear. What happened in 1980 to change things? You may want to expand on that just a bit. Without knowing the significance of that date, I would likely omit this sentence.
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Several European countries, most notably the Netherlands and Germany (among others) have legalised and/or decriminalised systems of prostitution. Let me shorten this a bit:Several European countries, most notably the Netherlands and Germany have legalised and/or decriminalised prostitution.
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But was this decision beneficial to our nation's welfare? Do the assets of prostitution domineer the immorality of the act itself? It's usually best to avoid starting a sentence with "But." I think I can make this all sound clearer:Do the benefits of legalizing prostitution outweigh the potential harm of permitting what is usually deemed immoral behavior? Was this decision truly beneficial to our nation's welfare?
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In an attempt to solve my inquisitions I have devised a series of questions in which I believe provide me with a stable platform on which I can develop an educated opinion, and through this presentation I hope to grant others with the same knowledge. It's usually best to "show" than "tell" when it comes to writing. Instead of essentially stating, Now I am going to list the questions and information I came up with to think about this issue and hopefully, that will convince you to think about it like I do, just start writing about the questions and information - that will do the convincing for you. If you need another sentence to close the paragraph, try something like this:Like all complex issues, legalization of prostitution has both positive and negative effects, both of which must be weighed when making a fair assessment of its effect on our society.
I hope that has helped you!
- It seems unlikely that the oldest profession in the world would also obtain the title ofas one of the most controversial.
- However, even in a century in which society has changed many traditional viewpoints, the legalisationlegislation of prostitution...
Nicole, there's not much correct in your introduction. I hope the corrections above helps.
However, mind the following points;
- spell check, turn on your spell check all the time
- proof read
As you go on with writing, mind the following;
- your linking verbs
- the proper use of has, have and had...
- tenses
- sentence construction is not an issue, you were able to construct your sentences very well
We look forward to the next part of the essay, post it here on EF so we can help out.
Keep writing
Cheers!!!
