My sister is participating in this contest, Profiles of Courage Award. She did an essay on Cory Booker, mayor of Newark, New Jersey. She's a freshman in high school. This was an assignment given to her in class, and she has worked so hard on it she went over the word count. She went over by 74 words! It's due Tuesday, 12/ 15/09. Their rewards are huge, and she thinks our family will benefit greatly if she wins. So can you please proofread this for my sister as soon as possible. Feel free to omit a few sentences you find unnecessary. We gladly appreciate it. THANK YOU.
By the way, the requirement for the essay was to describe how an elected official showed political courage by addressing an issue at the local, state or national level
Here is the essay.
"I think that whatever administration that comes in must take a hard look at that project and make sure it's the best deal for all of our residents," claimed a strong and heroic man.Living on the streets just as his residents do have allowed him to get a good understanding of what it takes to be a proper leader for these people. A leader who can help teenagers depart from drugs and violence in their lives, helps many children sleep fearless at midnight and give them the education they need. Additionally, a man who cares not only for himself but for those around him; a man like Cory Booker, Mayor of Newark, New Jersey.
Born on April 27, 1969, in Washington, DC, but grew up in a mostly white suburban town in northern New Jersey. He studied at California's Stanford University, earning a B.A. in political science and an M.A. in sociology. Booker was a star football player and was elected to the student government council. Following towards graduation he received a Rhodes Scholarship to Queens College, obtaining an honors degree in modern history in 1994. There he became president of the L'Chaim Society, an organization devoted to easing tensions between Jews and African-Americans. A few years later he came back to America and attended Yale University Law School, graduating in 1997. After taking a job in New Haven, Connecticut, he came back to New Jersey and was hired as a staff attorney for the New York City's Urban Justice Center. Subsequently, he became part of the Program Coordinator of the Newark (NJ) Youth Project.
Years later Booker moves into Newark, and joins a housing project called the Brick Towers. However, it broke down by the massive amount of crime problems, but later on he became the Newark City Council. In the summer of 1999, he went on a 10-day hunger strike in one of the most drug-infested housing complexes in Newark, an effort that resulted in an increased of police presence and improved security for residents. For five months in 2000, Booker took it to the streets, and he lived in a motor home and parked it on the worst drug corners in the city, inspiring residents and businesses to fight against drug dealing and crime.
With his street smarts and his battles with the student council, he was on the top of the mountain for the election for mayor in 2002. Head to head, he was against Sharpe James, and disastrously, he lost the election of 2002 to Sharpe James. Booker was defeated, fifty-three percent to forty-seven percent. Sequentially, James has soon to be known for committing fraud , conspiracy , and is now serving a 27-month prison sentence. As years passed nothing stopped Booker from achieving and reaching out to the Newark community. He became founder of Newark Now, along with becoming a partner at the West Orange law firm. On March 27, 2006, James announced that he would not continue a sixth term, preferring to focus on his seat in the New Jersey State Senator. Ronald Rice ran a campaign attacking Booker for raising over six million for the race. Booker's campaign outspent Rice's twenty-five to one.
On Election Day, May 9, 2006, Newark's election took place. This time Booker won with a seventy-two percent vote, Soundly defeating Rice, Booker's entire slate of City Council candidates, known as the "Booker Team," swept the Council elections, giving Booker a firm leadership of the city's government. Booker took office as Mayor of Newark on July 1, 2006, and is only the third person to govern the city since 1970. Elected with a clear command for change, Mayor Booker has begun work on realizing a bold vision for the City. Newark's mission is to set a national standard for urban transformation by marshalling its resources to achieve security, economic abundance and an environment that is nurturing and empowering for individuals and families. There are many indomitable actions and words Mayor Booker has pursued that helped him get to spot that he wanted to achieve.
In the month of October his administration's first adopted Newark City Budget. Being the largest about of money in the city's history , the approved $697.1 million budget resulted in an 8.3% increase in the city's property tax. Additionally, this extended the amount of employees in Newark up more than 1,000 people. Promising, not to make the tax prices go up, he has kept his word for over two years, and winning the last two consecutive years received the GFOA's Distinguished Budget Presentation Award. Reflective of the Booker Administration's continued commitment to an honest, transparent budgeting process ending decades of neglect and setting a foundation to balance the city's finances.
One of the mayor's first priorities was to reduce the city's crime rate. Reaching out to Garry McCarthy, the director of the Newark Police Department, helped lower the amount of violence in the community. With the helped from McCarthy, from 2006-2008, many murders and rapes have dropped more than thirty percent and shooting incidents more than forty percent. In 2008, Newark had its lowest murder rate since 1959, however, with the recession, robberies has gone up twenty percent in the year of 2008. Yet, on July 26, 2009, surprisingly, murders and rapes went down more than forty percent overall and robberies went down twelve percent since 2008. Along with helping Newark, Booker also helped raised the salaries of many city workers. The Booker Administration and the City of Newark imposed one-day-a-month furloughs for all non-uniformed employees from July through December 2010, as well as two-percent pay cuts for managers and directors currently earning more than $100,000 a year.
Starting off at the age of 29 years old being the youngest member ever elected to the council, an icon , and who people call "The Savior of Newark" . He reached out to one basic community, but saved a billion of lives in diverse ways. Likewise, as a man like him with a much sympathetic heart than he thinks he has. He has saved us and showed that there is always a bright light at the end of the dark tunnel. "Right before I moved to Newark, when I didn't know what I wanted to do, and I felt so lost. I said, Well, where I want to be is Newark -- let me move to the worst street I can find and just be there, a young lawyer. Be there. For people." by Cory Booker
"I think that whatever administration that comes in must take a hard look at that project and make sure it's the best deal for all of our residents," claimed a strong and heroic man.Living on the streets just as his residents do have allowed him to get a good understanding of what it takes to be a proper leader for these people. A leader who can help teenagers depart from drugs and violence in their lives, helps many children sleep fearless at midnight and give them the education they need.
This part above is confusing, because I am wondering for a long time who this strong and heroic man was. I think "strong and heroic" detract from the picture you are trying to create. Too vague. It will be good if you add some imagery words to these first few sentences. Also, keep one central idea in mind as you write. Let it be the central truth of the essay. The essay can list a lot of different points, but you should keep in mind one main idea that is like the soul of the essay.
Now, this part below is an incomplete sentence; it only has a subject, but no predicate:
Additionally, a man who cares not only for himself but for those around him; a man like Cory Booker, Mayor of Newark, New Jersey.
You can add:
Additionally, a man who cares not only for himself but for those around him -- a man like Cory Booker, Mayor of Newark, New Jersey -- is a perfect example for other politicians to follow.