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Researching and writing effective scholarship essays (page 81)

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scholarship essay:explanation of financial need and desire to become

3 - Yes, that is some great advice from Hellstrider :-) I hope you will feel confident as you write some...

ScholarshipSummerc91 - May 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - May 27, 2010
France: Where would you go in your flying house?

4 - yes I have turned it in, and I got the chance to revise it again. thank you...

Scholarshipcbsmallville - May 13, 2010 / cbsmallville - May 26, 2010
Temple admissions: where do i see myself in 10 years?; scholarship foundation

12 - Yes, this is getting to be a pretty powerful essay! Good progress... Be careful not to change it too...

ScholarshipMichele1248 - Mar 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - May 26, 2010
Tech(No or Yes)logy. A means to an end

3 - haha, I already love it. When you begin to write, you need to have a big buildup of...

Scholarshipmeisj0n - May 19, 2010 / EF_Kevin - May 21, 2010
Economic forecasts - briefly discussion of proposed research areas

3 - Yes, I think Jon might have been talking about this number agreement problem: Forests are important economic resources; they...

Scholarshipmyraniel - May 19, 2010 / EF_Kevin - May 20, 2010
doctorate degree in Computer Science - my scholarship application

4 - What you have achieved is really impressive, but I'd like to hear more about how Optiportal will help Vietnam,...

Scholarshiphoangnguyen177 - May 11, 2010 / talaan - May 19, 2010
Partial scholarships essay help for master degree in marketing

4 - Thank you very much for the advice...hopefully I could start to write something, as soon as I get the...

Scholarshipb3aum0nt - Apr 24, 2010 / b3aum0nt - May 17, 2010
Rhio O'Connor's Story, My Story about life and death

4 - You are welcome!! Please help me give advice to the people whose essays are on the "unanswered" list. (The...

Scholarshipklvaniko - May 10, 2010 / EF_Kevin - May 14, 2010
Implementation of the universal healthcare / Paul Goodman essay contest

4 - All the stuff in the first paragraph is condescending and too obvious. Do you know what I mean whn...

Scholarshipcbsmallville - May 11, 2010 / EF_Kevin - May 14, 2010
Scholarship essay: A personal Biography by Newsha born in Tehran, Iran

NEW - Hi everyone, This scholarship I'm applying to is due in about 6 hours. I would GREATLY appreciate anyone's help...

Scholarshipnewsha31 - May 14, 2010 / — -
Influential Person , Neila

6 - hahaha i am not a grammar stickler! You can't be a writer and also a stickler for grammar, not...

ScholarshipTimMill - May 4, 2010 / EF_Kevin - May 8, 2010
Earthquakes, tornadoes, Did you feel it?

3 - EF_Kevin I will make sure about small mistakes. Thank you for your compliment. I am really happy after three...

Scholarshipalina967 - May 4, 2010 / alina967 - May 8, 2010
"Describe your career and educational goal" - Need help on my scholarship

4 - i think sussan gives u the best answer .question yourself of what you want to be .what are your...

Scholarshiptramnguyen0385 - May 4, 2010 / natacha - May 7, 2010
"Discuss personal and family Financial Need" UTA scholarship

4 - You can pack all the sentences power into a quick punch: I remember when I was an elementary school...

Scholarshiphtranx - May 5, 2010 / EF_Kevin - May 6, 2010
Primary health care and nursing scholarship essays

3 - ...in the U.S. and internationally. Not only am I a triplet, I am full-blooded Lebanese. --- what does...

Scholarshipjojojetplane - May 1, 2010 / EF_Kevin - May 3, 2010
Describe how you have demonstrated leadership ability both in and out of school.

4 - i didn't read the whole thing, i just wanted to mention that it is spelled 'pursue', not 'persue'. always...

Scholarshipjorgem09 - Apr 2, 2010 / phenomanand - Apr 30, 2010
[Education] International school scholarship application essay

NEW - Hi guys, I'm new here. I'm applying for an international school and I had to write an essay covering...

ScholarshipDave - Apr 27, 2010 / — -
Management Consulting: Is this essay ok for Scholarship in MS degree?

3 - Kevin, Thanks a lot. I was very helpful. Davood...

Scholarshipdavoodhayati - Apr 20, 2010 / davoodhayati - Apr 21, 2010
Scholarship essay for Msc International Business and Corporate Social Responce

2 - Needless to say, there is some profit in these activities, which they will reap, one way or another. ---...

Scholarshipjosie - Apr 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 17, 2010
"always standing in front of brick walls" - Scholarship Essay and Autobiography

6 - Put a comma on each side of the name you insert into the sentence: ... these words are from...

ScholarshipSarareh - Apr 13, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 17, 2010
Community service: This is an essay for the nordstrom scholarship

3 - It should probably all be capitalized: Make A Wish Foundation The desire they have to continue on living...

Scholarshipdiana255036 - Apr 12, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 14, 2010
The Changing Tourism Industry and How I Fit

5 - haha, that is great, thanks! And long sentences are not so bad! But add some short sentences sometimes...

ScholarshipPrinnyS04 - Apr 7, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 9, 2010
"I'm afraid to fail", essay about myself

12 - EF_kevin. thank you for your advice. i will fix it thanked again for helping me cute angle- yes,...

Scholarshipazwi - Apr 5, 2010 / azwi - Apr 8, 2010
Why do you want to attend St. Bede academy?

4 - Yes, this needs to be developed some more. When you write, try to share a unique insight. This is...

Scholarshipirishgirl - Apr 7, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 8, 2010
"People who live in simplicity vs. results" - scholarship introduction essay

4 - Yeah, I was thinking this meant: People who live in simplicity do not necessarily bring about simple results....

Scholarshipsyikkin - Apr 7, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 8, 2010
Why are you a good candidate to receive this award?

5 - Use periods: In 2005, I came to the United States for the first time. I was born and raised...

Scholarshipsalvy09 - Apr 2, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 4, 2010
"a maturing point" (experience/achievement/risk) - Scholarship Program essay

5 - Thanks for the advice. I will keep your suggestion in mind....

ScholarshipGio93 - Mar 29, 2010 / Gio93 - Apr 2, 2010
Scholarship interview essay to introduce myself

2 - Yes, that is a good idea. I suggest thinking about your plan for the future. What would you...

ScholarshipdemonLEMON - Apr 1, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 2, 2010
Accounting Scholarship Professional Goals Essay

2 - Since I was little, my love of numbers and strength of in the study of science have led...

Scholarshipliangiee - Apr 1, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 2, 2010
Natural Hazards conference attendance scholarship - looking for clarity

2 - It is not so bad to say you are motivated by your career ambition. However, you can simply...

Scholarshiporchid227 - Mar 30, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Apr 1, 2010
The Big Picture: Community Service essay

5 - Thanks Kevin! These are good tips, I've spruced the essay up a little and turned it in. Thanks again!...

ScholarshipTimMill - Mar 28, 2010 / TimMill - Apr 1, 2010
"finding advanced technologies that work on safe energy"-Statement of Objectives

4 - I think you did do a good job attending to each of those. It helpful if you can find...

ScholarshipDana123 - Mar 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 31, 2010
describe my career aspiration and personal attributes

2 - Hi Sunisa, I think your topic should depend on your strategy. If you were the reader, how would...

ScholarshipcH0co - Mar 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 30, 2010
The Mandalay Bay Shark Reef trip, scholarship prep essay

3 - Hi Austin, nice job! If I had to write this essay I would use 5 paragraphs. 1. introduction...

Scholarshipaustintaceous - Mar 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 29, 2010
Community Influence Scholarship Essay; 'Coaching has greatly affected my life'

4 - This is fantastic! I think this essay clearly portrays not only your literary intelligence but also your warm-hearted compassion....

Scholarshipmariah - Feb 24, 2010 / hfox - Mar 25, 2010
"my degree in actuarial science" - scholarship essay

3 - Hello Sakinah, Your essay inspiring me, and I thinks it's perfect. Maybe just a suggestion, be consistent in...

Scholarshipsakinah - Mar 20, 2010 / firmanq - Mar 24, 2010
An exceptional achievement, essay for NUS undergrad scholarships

3 - ...on look out for opportunities. --- I really like your use of this phrase. It could be like a...

Scholarshipzendra - Mar 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 24, 2010
Sports Scholarship Essay (What does basketball mean for me?)

4 - A mere kid' s game, or something more? ...racing through basketball courts , donning jerseys and feeling the euphoric...

Scholarshipthisismynewuser - Mar 22, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 23, 2010
Research objective for PhD Scholarship in Material Chemistry

NEW - I am trying to write my Essay, but I am not really sure with the grammar. Please anybody help...

Scholarshipfirmanq - Mar 22, 2010 / — -
A brief autobiography (strengths and challenges, work experience, volunteering)

6 - his conveys a creative, confident personality... impressive stuff. A few years ago, I discovered that marketing is another...

Scholarshipkate86 - Mar 18, 2010 / yahyabluecat - Mar 20, 2010
Multicultural Scholarship and how I helped the community.

4 - This paragraph needs more sentences. It needs a few examples, too. Right now it is incomplete. Write about...

Scholarshiptheonejosue - Mar 17, 2010 / EF_Susan - Mar 18, 2010
A career in Urban Redevelopment Authority (URA)

3 - have always been enjoying building things.--- This is a little awkward. How about this: have always enjoyed building things....

Scholarshipbilibolobala - Mar 17, 2010 / EF_Susan - Mar 18, 2010
A scholarship to study Regional Planning, help in an essay to Master Program

3 - So, the solution is to try to say what you want to say in fewer words. Like this:...

Scholarshipborisfunes - Mar 16, 2010 / EF_Susan - Mar 18, 2010
My character and life event - scholarship character essay

8 - thanks for the tip...

Scholarshipqueensuri - Mar 16, 2010 / queensuri - Mar 18, 2010
I'm interested in computer field. Scholarship essay.

5 - Hi friend, The content seems find. From your essay, I can feel your passion for Comp Science. Here...

Scholarshipconheomap - Feb 25, 2010 / bilibolobala - Mar 17, 2010
"Once I have a dream" - An autobiography for exchange students scholarship

3 - Hi there, The content is decent, but I think you need to work a little bit on your...

Scholarshipsmilely - Mar 13, 2010 / bilibolobala - Mar 17, 2010
Mom, Guitar, Heritage -3 factors that have shaped me and changes to my community

2 - The one about your mom needs some concrete examples. Many people could write the same essay about their moms....

ScholarshipAllTimeLowYo - Mar 16, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 17, 2010
My Biographical Statement and Proposed Program Plan in Game Development field

NEW - Hi, everyone. I, like others who post the threads in this forum, intend to apply for a grant of...

ScholarshipionSB - Mar 17, 2010 / — -
"I excelled in my STPM exam" - NTU scholarship application

4 - Your essay is interesting and well written! I just found a few things; For fifteen years, I had...

ScholarshipGully - Mar 15, 2010 / EF_Susan - Mar 16, 2010
indicate my educational & professional goals, describe my current & future plans

5 - FIRST ESSAY: I found another problem with the first one: I plan to first earn a BA in Biology...

Scholarshipqueensuri - Mar 11, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 15, 2010
SOP for exchange students scholarship (COGNITIVE NEUROSCIENCE)

2 - I don't think this is right: are surrounded by a more elaborated environment. I think it has to be:...

Scholarshipsmilely - Mar 13, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 14, 2010
role of women changing in lifetime, Why should i be awarded this scholarship?

3 - It is not surprising that you have trouble with this topic, because you are going to have to...

ScholarshipWilmarie - Mar 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Mar 10, 2010
OAS academic scholarship essay - 5-year plan to bring about change in your field

2 - The idea behind this project is to renew and modernize Arg entine sociology, dismantled in past decades by authoritarian...

ScholarshipGorila09 - Mar 8, 2010 / EF_Susan - Mar 9, 2010
Intro for scholarship essay :My chosen field of study is English...because

2 - It eventually became my best friend, in which I shared all my secrets, opinions and thoughts, that just couldn't...

Scholarshipt1292 - Mar 7, 2010 / EF_Susan - Mar 8, 2010
Why do you deserve this scholarship? serious attitude towards study

6 - Thank you very much, Kevin. At first, I thought showing my strong affection for the school a good thing...

ScholarshipAriel - Mar 2, 2010 / Ariel - Mar 4, 2010
"Role in America" (advice,opinions, suggestions needed)

3 - Thank You so much for the corrections. I appreciate it...

ScholarshipLuvdance16 - Mar 2, 2010 / Luvdance16 - Mar 3, 2010
Help--Dyslexic, struggled with learning disabilities

3 - Kevin, Thank you so much for taking time to help me! I REALLY REALLY REALLY appreciate it. Yes,...

Scholarshipambajean - Jan 28, 2010 / ambajean - Feb 28, 2010
"criminal justice field" - educational and career goals-7500 character limit

2 - You need raw material that you can turn into original ideas about law enforcement; do some web research. ...

Scholarshipjuancuevas92 - Feb 26, 2010 / EF_Susan - Feb 27, 2010
Essay about Italian pride -scholarship

2 - Your essay is awesome, and definitely the best I've read of any essays containing the word 'pride'! I did...

Scholarshipshortyi3 - Feb 26, 2010 / EF_Susan - Feb 27, 2010
"The customers" : Subway Part-Time Job/ Topic of Your Choice

4 - Thanks Kevin! I'm sending my application in on Monday, and hoping for the best. Hopefully I can make...

Scholarshipnotylerhere - Jan 10, 2010 / notylerhere - Feb 27, 2010

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