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AAS Application Essay: How will the proposed study contribute to your career*?

fatmajanna 5 / 5 3  
Apr 23, 2016   #1
I observed that Indonesia has a great potential of oil and gas production. Somehow, the production has not yet optimized enough to suffice the national oil demand. In taking Masters of Petroleum Engineering Science in Australia, I will have the required skills and knowledge to tackle the oil and gas industry's most challenging problems, especially to develop the oil and gas production in Indonesia.

As I am concerned with the insufficient oil and gas production in Indonesia, my Masters study in Petroleum Engineering will support my personal development, specifically on the knowledge of oil and gas upstream industry. The study will equip me with advance skills and techniques, including problem-solving skills and analytical skills, on how oil and gas are produced from beneath the earth to the surface and how to process them before being distributed to the consumers.

Moreover, my proposed program of study provides individual and group projects. The projects are very essentials for me to apply all the knowledge learnt and prepare myself before facing the real oil and gas projects in the industry. Upon graduating from my Masters study, I will be able to understand, frame and solve the most complex of upstream problems in today's petroleum industry.

In summary, my proposed study will train me to understand and effectively utilize the workflow concepts now prevailing in the oil and gas industry, and prepare me fully for work as a fully qualified petroleum engineer in the challenging and dynamic oil and gas industry.

Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Apr 23, 2016   #2
Hey Fatma, language wise it was a good essay but content wise it was lacking. I was able to point out only one reason for you pursuing the studies in Australia that it will be enhancing your skills and will equip you with the higher knowledge. The essay was generalized, you need to be specific about your goals, your academic program and interest.

You mentioned that Indonesia is facing some challenges, then mention those challenges. Mention how your desired study will help you to overcome those challenges? What kind of projects you are looking for in program?

.....most complex of upstream problems in today's petroleum industry...........
What problems ? Insufficient oil and gas production is one, but why are you so concerned? Why there is insufficiency in Indonesia? How you expect the program from Australia to help you remove that insufficiency? What will be your core programs? Which courses or what you want to learn ? Gather the information regarding the program and write how your study will help you to achieve your career goals? What kind of workflow concepts you are looking at? How will you help as an petroleum engineer? Mention if you have done anything till yet for this problem or have any accomplishments? Plus how your program will enhance your previously gained skills to make you an experienced professional. Be specific about the problems you wish to improve, the program you wish to study and the goals you wish to achieve. Good luck :)
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Apr 24, 2016   #3
Hi Fatma, I would like to share some thoughts in your essay.
Overall, you have a well written essay, you made sure that the words you use in the construction of the essay depicts the purpose of the letter.

Moreover, you have shared the terminologies that are easily comprehensible and will keep the readers interested in every single paragraph.
The good thing about the essay as well, is that you manage to form an essay that is very strong from the beginning towards the end of the essay.

Towards the conclusion of the essay, you were also able to effectively create a realistic approach to your career plan and this is a very good technique to conclude your essay.

I hope to review more of your writing and keep practicing to get better.

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