Please kindly review my essay AAS scholarship below, all of your advice will be my pleasure and gratitude to say thanks and all the best wishes for us.
How will the proposed study contribute to your career?
I have been intrigued about the readiness of Indonesia to adopt the emerging technologies that changing rapidly, especially leveraging data to strengthen financial supervision. As the most barrier occurred in developing countries, lack of digital talent, unsupported regulation, and infrastructure have become a new challenge to handle. As a result, it could become either getting disrupt or growth with significant value.
Based on my experience to establish the integrated data management architecture for reform an existing silo-based approach for managing financial data, I observed there are still a lot of works that need to be addressed, started with changing the mindset, organization culture, data quality, and technical capabilities. Fulfilling a role as a coordinator on the integration project that stands in the middle of business and technology information (IT) also taught me a lot to convince on both sides. Consequently, I should learn about business mindset then craft a reliable and understandable solution for IT. Thus, pursuing graduate studies in Business Analytics remain the next strategic plan that could enable a data-driven environment through effective governance in Indonesia.
The excellent combination of technical data analysis like statistical thinking, computing, and professional ethics completed with a well-designed business understanding of finance like financial management and economics explained in the UNSW Sydney and Monash University curriculum has fascinated me. The difference with another course, its two-year degree experiences provided by both universities also allowed me to mastery in theoretical and practical. In the last year, there is an opportunity to solve the real problem through its capstone project and internship. Furthermore, the privilege of world-class universities and its location as the two biggest financial districts also become an advantage for me to develop a great network for future cooperation between Indonesia and Australia.
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The 400 word allotment of this essay should be used to explain how each course at each university will help advance your career. It should not be a combined reference because you should have 2 different academic and career goals that each masters course should address. Do not focus on the background of your studies. Focus on the individual courses will help you become better equipped to address specific situations in your current career. Use individualized paragraph discussions so that the reviewer will see your specific mindset, reasons, and goals, in relation to each course you applied for admission to. The strength of your conviction regarding each course should determine if you get the scholarship for your primary or back up choice.
What you can do is, use the current 2nd paragraph as your introductory paragraph, then write 2 new paragraphs in relation to the individual course choices application to your current and future career plans. The future career plans being the priority for the reviewer as your course of study should help you achieve some sort of career advancement or, at the very least, help you become better equipped to address the emerging problems within your line of work/ duties and responsibilities.