Please kindly review my essay for Australia Award Scholarship to answer question Choice of Course and Institutions
Explain your education choice
As a state-owned bank, xxxx bears responsibility to contribute to the national economy growth by providing banking services for almost all segments in various sectors. But with the digital transformation era, banking industry faces tough challenge from new competitors and new models of cyber crime. It's not only the IT and business team in the company that should be aware of this transformation, but supporting teams including legal team should also put the digital transformation as their focus to support the business by improving policy and regulatory to prepare readiness in this new era of business.
On that basis, I applied to Masters of Law program (LLM Course) at University of Melbourne. I prefer this course because it offers a wider range of law subjects than the specialized law course. It gives me chance to take various subjects of law that I believe will give me a comprehensive understanding to the law theory and practice, since my work requires me to understand not only banking and financial law, but also the law for the industry's ecosystem. This course at University of Melbourne offers subjects that can fulfill my needs. For example, Financial Services Law subject will enrich my understanding of financial services law itself, while Regulation of Fintech and Competition of Digital Markets subject will give me new knowledge and skill about the future of financial industry that will add value to my contribution to the company.
My experience in handling legal matters in various financial industry sectors has strengthened my legal knowledge and gives me a deeper understanding of banking and financial law as significant addition to my basic knowledge of law I obtained in bachelor degree. I have been involving in legal advisory for operational branch, project financing for various industry sectors, corporate actions, and litigation (procedural law) as well. This background and experience will get me the advantage to be succeeded in taking the course.
[SHOULD I ALSO PUT REMARKS THAT I ALREADY HAVE LETTER OF OFFER FROM THE UNIVERSITY AS ONE OF THE REASON OF MY CHOICE?]
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,529 3444
Bring the last paragraph up, creating a new first paragraph, then move onto the current first paragraph (now the second paragraph), leaving the current second paragraph to become the last paragraph. You may present the university acceptance letter as the reason why you chose to attend the university. Unfortunately, you do not leave any room for a 2nd choice university in this presentation when you do that. Meaning the scholarship committee is being told that they cannot choose a university for you, which is a freedom that the scholarship committee would like to have when choosing scholars as your credentials, based on their requirements will assist them in the university choice. Your written interview will also factor in that decision, but it will only be one of the many other considerations the committee will look into while considering your application. You may want to revise the essay to allow for a second university choice just in case.