Really appreciate you guys if you could review my essay for AAS.
Why did you choose your proposed course and institution?
Having the privilege of working in the two leading fintech in Indonesia for the past four years made me realize that there is still a lack of vision and leadership from the leader of a company. Choosing MBA will be the most proper course for me to learn how to be a great leader and lead a company to be profitable and sustainable.
Many of the CXO levels in Indonesian unicorns were graduated from top MBA schools. This shows that their education could boost their careers and help the company become the industry leader. However, some leaders failed to lead their company to be profitable, especially during COVID-19. Moreover, many startups need to close their entire operations because they choose the wrong strategies to cope with issues. Therefore, learn business strategy in the digital industrial era will be advantageous for a leader.
I consider that an MBA at the University of Melbourne will be the best choice. Unimelb offered a complete business strategy subject and focused on data analysis for business decisions, which is essential for making a better decision. One of the most exciting courses that Unimelb offers is Innovation Bootcamp. This subject will give the student the experience of developing a business idea, which is substantial for the student when they finished the course. Besides the broad subject, Unimelb also supports the student with great networking to decide to start a new startup.
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The discussion you have provided is good but limited. You have shown your personal reasons for wishing to complete an MBA and you have offered one university choice for your course completion. However, the scholarship requires that you present 2 university and course choices for the scholarship. Try to incorporate your first 2 paragraphs to create a more concise personal and academic reason for your course choice. Then offer one paragraph each for the university and specific course choices at the university. You may opt for the same course at different universities, using 2 different reasons for the university choices or, different course choices at different universities with specific reasons per course. That way you will be able to show that you truly considered all of the possibilities in achieving your masters course certification.