How did you choose your proposed course and institution?
I am applying for a master of commerce because this program offers two specializations that I can study at once namely, Data Analyst for business and Digital Transformation Specialization. This Data Analyst for Business is related to my background, namely statistics and my current job as a Business Analyst, this specialization I will learn more about business processes and the application of statistics to business problems comprehensively, starting from business operations, applying machine learning to business cases, and the best way to convey the results of the analysis to stakeholders for decision making with data visualization. During the Covid-19, the government is currently encouraging various sectors to carry out digital transformation, including the business sector. This is the second reason I took a master's program that focuses on digital transformation as my future goal. I believe that studying this knowledge will be able to improve my skills and knowledge about digital transformation. The courses offered such as digital business model, digital business transformation will be able to help me to contribute to encouraging MSMEs to transform into digital business.
Why did I choose The University of Sydney? This university is located in Sydney, Sydney as business center of Australia. Of course this is a good chance for me to learn about their business system, how their business survives during a pandemic, how their business is transformed into digital and data utilization in decision making. Of course this knowledge will be very useful after return and apply it to MSMEs in Indonesia. Besides, this university is the only one that offers two specializations at once whose courses are in accordance with my background and feature goals. Courses that are not offered at others in the same program such as Business Risk Management and Data Visualization for Managers. and also there are chances to become a business consultant at a company and startup building project
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Are you certain that you do not want to present a back up university with your statement? Only if you are sure that your credentials will be enough to assure you of a scholarship spot at your single choice university should you write such a statement of certainty. Having a back up course and university never hurt any of the applicants since it gives them 2 channels by which they might win the scholarship, and some of them still do not get the scholarship. Consider that before you decide to use only a single university reference for your statement.
Are you trying to insult the reviewer? Why are you telling him where the university is located? Remove that reference statement, including the business center reference. Those are condescending references that will not do you any favors in the application process. That whole second paragraph is too patronizing in tone. Change it to a more humble one. It is your privilege to be considered for the scholarship, not the other way around.
yea i guess you need to put your second option of study because in your registration form, you need to submit at least 2 programs
it is better you put the covid as your main background and it will strongly relevant with the situation right now. and the University location and other information are really unnecessary, try to replace with stronger reason.
I would advise you to add at least one other university - which provides a similar programme - for your second option. And for the reason why you choose your proposed institutions, try to mention, for example, about professors or lecturers there who are experts in your proposed field of study.