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AAS - Master of Data Science & Master of Computing

rabka 1 / 2  
Jun 28, 2020   #1
Hello everyone,
I'm planning to apply for AAS Scholarship and I need your help to review my support statement about proposed course and institution.
Thank you for your help.


As an employee of Telecommunication Company that is not only focused on profitability but also customer experience, analytical skills using data are crucial to achieving those goals. I remember when I first had to promote new products through a door to door without knowing the profiles or habits of people in the area, I had struggled to find customers. Especially, when they already have bad experiences with similar products. Therefore, it is important to identify our target customers, areas, and products. To strengthen the analysis, data becomes one of the important things and to explore the role of data in decision making and strategy, data science courses are the best choice as an essentials skill to tackle any challenges and provide better insights. And also, after these 6 years of working with responsibility on making performance reports, my interest in data analysis has increased as well as to pursue a career in the field of data such as data scientist, data analyst or data engineer. As we all know, The University of Melbourne is one of the best universities not only in Australia but also in the World. And I believe this title was given due to several factors, such as alumni profile, curriculum, and teacher quality, networking through professional life, and their impact on society. Taking a Data Science course at the University of Melbourne will not only give me technical and analytical skills about Data but also open up opportunities to be part of the international community of various professions.

Second, I choose Master of Computing at Australian National University (ANU) because ANU has strong research. Therefore, this University will be focus on explicit fields of study and the students will get access to top specialists and the most recent research.
ros4nna 1 / 5  
Jun 28, 2020   #2
Hi Muhammad Akbar,
I try to give my opinion on your essay. I think you have to be more specific about what you will learn in the master degree that you choose, not just mention that they are the best university in the world. Try to relate the subjects to your personal reason, not just a general reason.

Hope this help
nabhila 3 / 5 3  
Jun 28, 2020   #3
Hi, i think you can sharpen your essay being more straightforward and less on the background.

Start with your elected program, why you choose it, what makes it different than other similar program, and how your program will help you advance your career.

You should also be more specific in providing reasons on why Data Science in University of Melbourne is the best choice more than stating the fact of it being the best in the world. To help you draft this part of essay, you can begin by reading on their syllabus and find whats unique in the program offered.

Hope this helps. Good luck!
OP rabka 1 / 2  
Jun 29, 2020   #4
thanks a lot for your help and suggestions.
I'll try to be more specific then @ros4nna @nabhila :)
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,845 4177  
Jun 29, 2020   #5
Your essay is more relevant to the career goals essay than the reason for choosing a course and institution. You should delete the whole essay and start from scratch. Consider your professional requirements in relation to your academic requirements when you draft your new response. This should be the actual basis for your decision to choose a proposed course and institution.

What you currently have is a narrative that does not respond to the prompt. I have told you how to develop your proper response through the consideration of career skills development (based on your weaknesses) and the training the university can give you. Use both considerations when explaining your 2 course and university choices. Your second university choice should be based on considerations that are just as strong as your first university choice.
OP rabka 1 / 2  
Jun 30, 2020   #6
Thank you so much for your help and really appreciate your feedback

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