Please I need your help to evaluate my essay and to check is it relevant to the Chevening parameter or not, please comment, correct and rephrase if needed. Thanks.
Chevening Scholarship Essay: Leadership Question
Chevening is looking for individuals who will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.
Learning from others' experiences is good but going where no one else has previously gone is surely better, so a new path could be left. This concept has taught me to always examine what is new to find the appropriate ways to solve problems even if sometimes it could be seen difficult, not just to improve my environment but also to serve as a guidance to positively influence and support others into understanding and accepting what is required to be successfully accomplished in order to achieve the desired results.
Therefore, as per my work in Life Operations Department at --- , we are responsible to apply many different tasks, and because of the multitude, some conditions or steps might be hard to be recalled at time of applying the task which may cause wasting time by postponing the task or applying it incorrectly which will lead to serious troubles for the employee and the company.
So, I had to find a way to solve this problem and I could reach a valuable idea, which is gather all the required data, information, conditions and the announced standards of each task performed by the team in one place. So, a clear and accurate Business Reference for all missions and tasks performed by the team is my next goal. I informed my manager with the suggestion, he agreed and I was charged to complete this mission in a very short determined time. Immediately I communicated with my team that consists of six members and explained it to them minutely. After our discussion, I have distributed the tasks and gave them deadline. During this time, I asked them to send me any progress they reach to follow-up and review the accuracy of the provided data. I was always reachable for any member to ask freely and provide support if needed.
I have faced two main difficulties, first I am the youngest member in the team, so it was not easy to lead them and let them accept to be supervised by the youngest one. Second, each one of the team is working in a different branch so I was supervising them remotely. However, I could successfully spread the spirit of high motivation among the team members and that was my key of success as they have finished the required tasks before the deadline. After intensive review from my side of the accomplishment as a whole, I have provided the Business Reference to my manager before the time he has previously determined. This reference had been distributed to the whole department as well since it became a helpful tool that save much time and could be used for the current and new hired employees.
My past experience reveals my ability to succeed as leader and as follower in any given responsibility, as an individual or in a group, with high spirit of commitment and leading no matter the difficulty involved.
Learning from others' experiences is ... ---> I don't really get what the sentence mean.
This concept has taught me ... ---> this sentence is quite long and quite difficult to understand the meaning. It would be better if you could break each point into several sentence.
we are responsible to apply ... ---> same like above
Holt Educational Consultant - / 13,728 4511
Mariam, you have indicated a semblance of leadership of a different note in this essay. Therefore, you do not have any problem with that aspect of the essay. However, when it comes to delivering an influencing example, that is where you have a bit of difficulty. I do not see any real influencing style delivered within the essay. Making a suggestion is not an influencing skill. Making a suggestion when there is opposition to your idea will require you influence the team towards doing what you think is best. Sending you a progress report and follow up reports so you can review data is part of job delegation, it is a leadership trait, not an influencing skill. If you could further develop the paragraph about you being the youngest on the team and having to motivate them to respect you so that yo could lead them towards accomplishing the task within the deadline, then you will have a stronger example of your influencing skill. The better Business Reference is not connected to leadership and influencing so it should not be mentioned in this essay at all.
Thank You for your reply, I will consider these points and will re-write my essay.
I would appreciate if you explain how I should not mention the better Business Reference although it was the initiated project that I was leading, I mean it is the main example I provide. Than You.
I really do like your essay, it is very well written. I'm also only Chevening applicant and I might not be the right person to help. But let me provide you with few remarks. Second and third sentences were bit hard to me understand due to their lengths. May be it would be better to split them into several parts?
... tasks performed by the team
is my next goal.
- Did you mean "was"?
Thank you for your remarks, I will split the sentences and re-write the essay, then post it here.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 13,728 4511
Mariam, the examples of leadership are strong in the essay. However, your influencing skills are not accurately represented as you only imply the situation regarding your influencing problems. You do not really provide solid examples of the problems that arose which you had to use influencing skills on so that the team would actually work in unison. The fact that you are the youngest team member does not mean you need to inspire them to listen to you. It means that you have to prove yourself as a leader in order for them to respect and follow your commands. Influencing means changing the mind of the person who is opposing you. Did you ever find yourself in such a situation? How did you handle it? Would you say that your influencing skills resulted in a positive outcome for both you and the person who disagree with you at first? Don't focus your next revision on the leadership aspect. Look at the influencing aspects you can improve instead.