Accounting - Statement of purpose for POSCO Scholarship

Hello could you please help me to review my current essay, your opinion and insight will be meaningful , thanks before :)

Statement of purpose

I am an accounting degree holder with professional experience as a consultant who wants to gain deeper knowledge about finance, especially in global finance. I obtained my bachelor's degree at the Institute Perbanas with a focus on auditing and joined an international class program, which means all the material I learn during my studies is delivered in English. Where throughout my studies, I actively participated in a seminar related to leadership, economic development, and entrepreneurship that assisted me in escalate both my soft and hard skills. Meanwhile, I used to work as an internal auditor in an insurance company, which gave me an understanding of organizations' management and business processes, but working as a consultant, especially in advisory at a public accounting firm, gives me different experience by handling different projects with various clients. I learned a lot of practical business cases that assisted me in improving my analytical skills. However, from the experience I have gained, there is still a gap of knowledge that I need to fulfil to be a management consultant with focus on finance improvement and I decide to pursue my master's degree at South Korea.

South Korea is a developed country that has become the tenth largest economy in the world as well as one of the countries that is concerned about education. Therefore, I believe continuing my studies in South Korea will give me a valuable lesson and bring me to a new experience of studying overseas. One of the important things before studying overseas is to learn a new language. As preparation before arriving in South Korea, I learned the Korean alphabet, memorized some basic vocabulary, and understood short sentences to help me communicate with the natives. Furthermore, in August 2022, I participated in online Korean summer courses offered by K-Dreamvision, Namseoul Continuing Education Center, and Cakap to gain an understanding of Korean culture.

During my master's program, I am planning to complete all the required and optional courses offered by the university to meet the requirements for graduation. My studies will focus on broadening my knowledge of financial management, investment, financial markets as well as financial data analysis. While studying for a master's degree program, I would like to actively participate in seminars and workshops that are provided by the university or other institution to get a deep insight into certain fields and expand my network by having direct interaction with other students, especially with the locals, to encourage me to communicate in Korean as well as media to exchange ideas and experience.

After completing my master's degree and graduating from the university in South Korea, I expect to be able to use all the theories and practical to be fundamental for my professional career. Before returning to Indonesia, I intended to do an internship as a consultant in one of the companies in South Korea to apply what I had learned and gain experience dealing with the company's current issues. Afterwards, I am going back to my hometown to continue my professional career as a consultant, focus on working in a consulting firm that provides services to manufacturing companies. Its aim to assist the company's financial management and ensure the company's going concern. My intent is to maintain bilateral relations between Indonesia and South Korea in economics related to export.

The last 2 paragraphs of this essay are supposed to be contained in the other 2 essay descriptors, the research topic and study plan, as well as the future plan after study in Korea. The experience of the student seems to be localized in terms of accounting relevance. As such, there does not seem to be a need for the student to study accountancy on a global level. The relevance of studying accountancy on a global application scale is missing from the essay.

The basic content that the explanation presents indicates that the applicant can complete the masters course even if he does not leave his home country. There is no requirement imperative enough to warrant an international scholarship application. In fact, there are no skills presented or achievements that would make the reviewer consider the applicant for the scholarship.

The overall content is weak. It does not contain any notable references or purpose that would make the applicant qualified for an international scholarship. It is highly ordinary and not worthy of a second look or even a first round of consideration for the scholarship application.

You should be specific to impress the readers. The part where you mention doing internship, you need to mention 2-3 well known firms or companies in korea where you would like to do internships. Remember, being specific is key.

I am not a teacher, it is just my humble comment depending on my experience, so don't be so believing in it. Your essay is almost excellent. At first, the range of your vocabulary is quite diverse and i like how you select and use them. the content of essay is fascinating, the structure clear make it not too hard to understand the whole story. the last thing, i think you have some grammatical mistakes. in some sentences, you still use simple tense. It is all my opinion.

Have a great day.