Acting proactively and reach out to people rather than sitting and waiting for somebody to approach

Hello, I have reworked my networking essay for Chevening. Would appreciate your feedback

Chevening essay on networking

To begin with, I am an extrovert by personality and very communicative. Since I changed schools several times I got to understand that one should act proactively and reach out to people rather than sitting and waiting for somebody to approach. I am a strong supporter of the 'never eat alone" rule. Besides, during an annual employee appraisal, I have been assessed as having strong communication skills.

At my third year at the university I worked part-time as an administrative assistant at I Firm. Though I worked there only for half a year and left in August 2013, I kept in touch with the Director Mr. T all these years. In October 2017, I decided to become a member of the K Association. The application needed to be accompanied with two recommendation letters from current members of K Association. By that time, I have already secured one. When I asked Mr. T, who is a Member, to provide me with another one he agreed to do so. This was only possible because I have not lost connection with him after leaving II Firm.

When moved to A city, I managed to establish a strong network through participation in the activity of R Public Fund and Society of Petroleum Engineers. In September 2015, I met with Mr. N at a fundraising event. At the time, he was a specialist at T Company. In June 2016, I was assigned to handle all contracts related matters with T company and two months later, I learned that Mr.N moved to Contracts department as a Specialist responsible for my company's contracts. We became friends with him and this fact helped us to improve our work and communicate effectively. For instance, we revised our contract administration plan mostly because we discussed this issue extensively outside of the office.

I also I try to help people within my network as well. In September 2016 one of the members of the B School association opened an Educational Center in A city and was struggling with finding a teacher for IELTS classes. I offered him my help and conducted IELTS classes in his Center for six months.

I hope to use networking skills to further extend my network and integrate with Chevening alumni. I will be ready to share job opportunities, assist with data on legal and social research, promote Chevening within my network. Moreover, I believe that most Chevening alumni are individuals with a strong sense of civic duty. I would like to unite them in a community that would promote values of civil society and democracy in my country.

I also wish to reach to Legal firms to encourage them to sponsor and take part in the activity of the Fund for Promotion of Legal Education by organizing career orientation sessions and legal writing competitions.

To sum up, I believe I was able to build up a solid network within various fields that would both benefit from the Chevening community and contribute to its further development.

Hello Adil, these notes and corrections might be helpful:

Since I ... approach. ->I have changed my schools several times, therefore, I understand that I should act proactively and reach out to people instead of waiting for them to approach.

Not formal enough: I am a strong ... 'never eat alone" rule.
As a reader I didn't expect the following sentence in the introduction: Besides, during ... communication skills.
In paragraph 2, I think you have mentioned too many details.
In paragraph 3, many details introduced and the relation to networking is not clear.
We became friends with him
within my network You didn't provide much information about your Network and the way you collect them.

The concept of following sentence seems interesting to me: I also wish to reach to Legal firms...

Hello Adil..
I believe your essay is really well written. what you can do is probably insert a few examples of how you are socially active in your group and how it hasnt ever been a problem for you to mingle. you can also put all your post chevening plans in a single paragraph, i think that will look much better.

Adil, you can remove the reference to your becoming an IELTS teacher for a few months. That is not really connected to your actual profession as that was something you volunteered to do. It is not necessary to present non-profession related networks unless you can somehow create a connection between your profession and your extra curricular activity. The sentence about "never eat alone" doesn't establish anything with regards to your network either so you can be removed from the presentation as well. At the moment, you can also remove the paragraphs about "legal firms" and the "I believe I was able to built" because your essay should have ended at the portion where you discussed how you plan to help Chevening access your network and why you believe that the network is something that will be beneficial to the scholarship program. Once you remove the portions I indicated here, the essay will be ready for use. It will be in its final form and you won't even have to ask for further approval before you use it.

Dear @Holt @faraymajid @pier, thank you very much for your feedback. Really helpful