An activity, complicated issue - two short personal statements answers

Personal Statement's Questions With Answers

1-Describe an activity that you pursue or a personal interest (Avoid the temptation to list everything that you have ever done. We want to hear about what matters to you most.)

-->I trained myself how to play the violin using the internet and self-learning, this was a great adventure and gave me a passion for knowing more about music, with time, violin became my favorite hobby.I am exerting more effort, to be capable of writing notes and playing in Opera Concert. I watched an online course about the philosophy at Harvard University called " Justice" it generated a belief that equality and justice may be different from one person to another, This session has increased my sense of acceptance of the others' opinions and attended a workshop about philosophy in AUC last summer.

I admired computer science and wanted to know more about this part of science, I searched for it and decided to learn how websites built I started learning how to code online lately.I took courses in coding online in Udemy and Codecademy, I've learned HTML and CSS.(149 words) (max 150)

2-Choose an issue that you think people lack an understanding of, and explain it.

-->Extremism.
Extremism has become part of the daily life, rarely spends a day without happening in some part of the world. What people ignore or don't give it an interest that extremism occurs since childhood when a young boy bullies someone else reflecting aggressive behavior on him which makes the bulled boy suffers from the psychological conditions as suppression. That makes the community less productive and full of people who can't move on or overcome their fears. I want to spread awareness about this problem to make parents extra aware of the strange actions of their children. I believe people need to lean towards acceptance of the differences and diversities of each human being and should learn that change will not happen without showing solidarity and tolerance to others while offering them what maybe they were not lucky enough to come by during their own knowledge.

(146 words) (max 150)

Maryam, the first prompt is asking you to expand only on one activity that is of importance to you which showcases a personal interest on your part. Since you developed most of the discussion around your interest in "violin playing" not just the "violin", I suggest you develop a few more sentences about that instead. Totally removing the reference to programming since that is not fully developed in this discussion. Drop the discussion about the Harvard video you watched as well because that does not introduce your character or interest to the reviewer. The reviewer wants to know how your activities reflect the person you are. Where your non-academic passion lies and why you are interested in that hobby or activity. Your response is appropriate only up to the point where you introduce your interest in the violin and the playing of the instrument. How does this reflect the person you are? Why are you passionate about this? Revise the essay because you did exactly what the prompt told you not to do which is list everything that you have ever done.

The topic that you chose for the second prompt is good, but it sounds researched. It does not sound like something that you have a personal understanding and passion for which is why you think people have a lack of understanding towards it. By the way, extremism should not be confused with bullying. Those are 2 different negative actions that have wide repercussions and occur on an international basis everyday. You may want to concentrate on bullying instead of extremism because most of your description applies to bullying in this instance.