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I had to adjust myself to a whole new environment, culturally, educationally, and geographically.


Ymun 3 / 10 5  
Nov 2, 2016   #1
PROMPT: In 500 words or less, please describe any challenges you have faced personally, financially or academically ...

When I first came to the United States and enrolled in the local middle school in Florida for the seventh grade, I did not know much about English language. When I was little, I learned my parents' language of Chinese and subsequently Malay language in school in Malaysia before coming to the United States. Therefore, I had to take ESL classes. I had to adjust myself to a whole new environment, culturally, educationally, and geographically. Due to the language barrier and my shy personality, I never took the initiative to communicate with other people in English, when other people tried talking to me, I usually responded either nodding or replying in broken English. The language barrier not only hindered my academic advancement, but also made it difficult for me to make friends in the new environment. Under the kind guidance of my ESL teacher, whom I feel very grateful for, I overcome the English language barrier. I spent hours reading novels at home after school every day, I tried communicating with other people in English even though I was laughed at often with my funny accent. I was released from the ESL program during my eighth grade and since then I am more confident communicating with people in English language as my vocabulary had grew more over times and my grammar had improved. Even though my accent remains, but that does not hinders me from pursuing my goal anymore. Honestly, I still struggle with comprehending and constructing writing even though I have no problem with pronunciation or reading. When I need help, I ask my teachers for help quickly, for example, revising my essays. I believe by doing so, I will be able to improve my writing skills in English. I learned from my experience in learning the language that if I set my foot down and get to it, I will be able to overcome any obstacles that may be in my way. The language barrier once hindered me from learning more, making friends and achieving my personal goal did not just changed my way of using the language, but it also taught me to be understanding towards others who experiences hardships like I did. My personality changed from a timid shy person to a more confident and outspoken person after I successfully broke down the barrier.
kiki23 37 / 64 4  
Nov 3, 2016   #2
Hi! I have some feedback for you!

...enrolled in the local middle school ...
...enrolled as the seventh grade's student in the local middle school in Florida.

When I was little, I learned my parents' language of Chinese ....
... parents language that is Chinese and subsequently, before coming to the United States, my school in Malaysia thought me Malay.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4772  
Nov 3, 2016   #3
Yee, your essay perfectly conveys your problems with the language barrier. It brings a focus upon your situation as an ESL learner and accurately explains how you overcame the barriers and challenges that you faced. While you still face some problems, it is nice to know that you have not lost hope and continue to strive to overcome your language related problems. That said, the narrative is good, but the formatting is bad. Bad in a way that you just need to make paragraph adjustments, which are not really big problems for your essay.

Just remember to divide the essay into specific paragraphs, with a topic sentence for each paragraph. The divisions or line breaks are inserted using the enter key on the keyboard. After you fix the formatting, you can review the essay one more time on your end for possible content that you can remove. As far as I am concerned, there are no extra pieces of information that do not belong in the essay. You should be able to use the essay once you get the formatting fixed.


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