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Essay on adversity and overcoming obstacles, connecting it to music/piano

mayradio0508 2 / 4  
Oct 26, 2014   #1
The prompt is to choose a figure and show how I've applied their values in my own life. All of the background information is provided in other essays, so I'm sorry if it's a bit ambiguous. The limit is 200 words, but this is 220, so if anyone could help me condense it a bit, and provide some feedback, that would be really appreciated, thanks.

"When you're in a battle, it's your job to accomplish your mission." Throughout my calamities, my mission was to play an instrument, and it was solely up to me to conquer the task. I found a broken piano keyboard and trained myself to read notes, which I matched to the keyboard, and, voila! I was executing music, even though no sound resonated. When I obtained a functioning piano, I had acquired the skill to play it proficiently. As I progressed through Fur Elise, I reflected on the challenges I had overcome. When I felt helpless and alone, I kept pushing forward, expanding my bounds. When I was off-track from graduating, I strived to not only regain my credits, but to challenge myself academically. I knew that with determination, no excuse could justify not accomplishing my goals. I approached the bridge, afraid that I would hit the wrong key, afraid the bridge would disintegrate, but confident that, if it did, I would rebound with edification and resilience. Although Mr. Kimsey faced many adversities that made it challenging to accomplish his goals, he fervently believed, "When you have the mindset that there is no excuse for failure, you will be successful." He was right. I did it. I got to the finale. I hadn't let anything prevent me from achieving my dreams.
16chauc 2 / 4  
Oct 26, 2014   #2
This really good, very dramatic. I know you want to condense it but I think you could emphasize more about Mr.Kimsey since thats what the question is primarily about. Your info is good but maybe take some of that out...?

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