"We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations, and accomplished your academic successes.
Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow?" (800 word limit)
When I landed on the United States for the first time, there was one thing prowling in my mind: the whereabouts of my guitar. When my mom, my younger brother, and I were claiming our baggage, I saw no traces of my guitar. I was standing in front of the baggage claim section waiting for it to appear, but I knew I had to ask an employee sooner or later.
As a native Spanish speaker, I never had to hold a conversation in another language. Although I had taken English classes prior my parents' attempt to follow the American dream, everything was different once I realized the situation: I was in a country where eighty percent of the population spoke English. I had to speak English.
I've been teaching myself how to play the guitar since I received it as a present on my fifteenth birthday. I dealt with frustration every time I broke one of the strings and even when I didn't hit the right chord. At the end of a long practice section, my fingers' soreness fulfilled me with satisfaction. However, when more experienced guitarists asked me to play with them, I tended to avoid the contact with the instrument with the excuse of being left-handed. At that moment at the airport, I had no choice: if I wanted my guitar back, I had to break the existent language barrier.
That was the first time I felt anxiety accumulating all at once. Nervousness over claiming part of your baggage in an airport can be seen as trite, but for me it was a huge step. I was embracing a reality I had denied for weeks: I was leaving the only place I had known for sixteen years, the Dominican Republic. A change was going to be produced whether I was ready or not. My family spent twenty years with the absence of my dad, moving to the United States meant the beginning of a new life as a family. To avoid the situation wasn't part of the plans, but it was a tempting option for my defeatist side. That day at the airport, I ended up holding my guitar and an apprehensive sentiment against my skin.
The idea of attending to a new school in the middle of my junior year while facing an unknown location, dialect, and culture, was paralyzing. I was terrified with the picture as a whole. I've been facing and accepting these changes little by little. Sometimes I found myself creating alternatives to the situation I was involved into, asking questions that will end up on the same path: nowhere. "What if I had stayed?" "How would I feel?" "How am I feeling now?"
How was I feeling?
My family and I saw the end of the winter and the beginning of the spring while staying at a small studio. We had calefaction problems; it was a really cold winter, especially for us, who weren't used to anything below seventy five degrees. My brother and I slept in the living room; there wasn't enough space for our belongings. I didn't complain, because I knew it wasn't going to change reality.
As cliché as it may seem, my parents have taught me not to give up on what I believe, just the same as they have taught me how to be a pragmatic person. I assimilated the situation, and realized I had two options: I could let the circumstances overwhelm me, creating a deeper state of pessimism in my persona, or I could take advantage of the situation, encourage my optimism. I did not have an American dream, but I was sharing my family's desires. My brother and I were given the opportunity they never had, and I could not hurl away their efforts.
I face a constant wrestle with my reclusive and defeatist side. Spending sixteen years living on an island taught me not to take everything for granted; I grew nonchalantly toward the things we could not afford, and the fact that the place we lived in was literally falling apart; I was determined to dash the language barrier, to embrace my accent, to stand up firmly for the things I believe.
If there's something I can affirm, it is that staring blankly at the ceiling will not yield the answers to any questions. If the strings of the guitar are never altered, I will never play.
I like your unique style of writing. It's very interesting to read and you have very creatively presented it. A few minor suggestions;
When my mom, my younger brother, and I were claiming our baggage, I saw no traces of my guitar.
My mom, younger brother and I were peeping into every piece that passed by us on the baggage claim belt; there was no trace of my guitar.Nervousness over claiming part of your baggage in an airport can be seen as trite, but for me it was a huge step
..
.. huge challengedumi
Thanks a lot!
I've been thinking about adding at the end: " If there's something I can affirm, it is that staring blankly at the ceiling will not yield the answers to any questions. If the strings of the guitar are never altered, I will never play. The lyrics are unwritten, my spirits are heavy, and my journey has begun."
Not sure if it's a good idea
Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow?
If I were to ask you to LIST sentences that pertain to "factors and challenges," could you do it?
The stuff about the guitar is fun to read (and that's a compliment), but it doesn't really connect to the prompt.
You can mention the guitar, but as it stands I'm not sure whether guitar playing qualifies as a challenge.
We had calefaction problems
Despite anything I wrote above, your writing style is engaging and readable.
However, you should avoid words that your reader has never seen or heard. In my case, the word "calefaction" is one.
If you're using a thesaurus, you might want to read this. Usually, the bigger word isn't the right word.
basically, moving to the United States, breaking the language barrier, really low income (which is not described with details) are some factors and challenges who I thought I was never going to overcome.
The guitar thing is not really a relevant challenge, it was a metaphor. A left-handed person can't play the same guitar a right-handed person plays unless he/she alters the strings of it. That's what I meant with " If the strings of the guitar are never altered, I will never play", like saying "If I keep being pessimistic, I will sink"
Also, I didn't know calefaction wasn't a common word o.o in Spanish it is very common, so I just translated it. Thanks for the link and for the feedback! :)
Also, I didn't know calefaction wasn't a common word, in Spanish it is very common, so I just translated it. Thanks for the link and for the feedback! :)
I've been thinking about adding at the end: " If there's something I can affirm, it is that staring blankly at the ceiling will not yield the answers to any questions. If the strings of the guitar are never altered, I will never play. The lyrics are unwritten, my spirits are heavy, and my journey has begun."
I love it ... go ahead! :) you seems to very poetic :D
When you say
If the strings of the guitar are never altered, I will never play.
to people inexperienced with guitars (or even those with basic guitar knowledge; for example, me) will have difficulty understanding what you mean by "altered"
although it has a nice flow as it is now, if you explain somehow that this means switching the strings to play left handed, then the sentence will have more meaning (important because it is indeed the last sentence.
Good luck! I am also applying this year
Your poetic tone helps your essay a lot. Ur style is quit good. I haven't seen what you've rewritten but I think in the original piece you go just a bit vague in a few places like the 'strings being altered' part.
I didn't complain, because I knew it wasn't going to change reality.
As cliché as it may seem, my parents have taught me not to give up on what I believe,
Oh and at this part, I felt that your essay did not quite flow...
Despite that, its great.
Im doing Questbridge too, and I am hoping we both get in..please help me check my short answer essay too.
