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American-Hispanic learning process - Personal Statement for the Global Korea Scholarship

alexaguti 1 / -  
Feb 22, 2021   #1
Hi! I am applying for the Global Korea Scholarship! Thank you for your help!

This is what I need to cover in my personal statement!

- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Family and Education background
- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you

- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, etc.


Each person has their own battles and struggles they must overcome in order to achieve. Growing up as an American-Hispanic has been a learning process from adjusting to a new culture, studying a new language while thriving in my education. I was only thirteen years old when I had to move to the United States, this was an impactful experience that I had to face. I was starting to develop from being a kid to a teenager and was not prepared for the emotional, physical, social, and cognitive growth with all the changes that happened at the time. My dad was always involved in my life, as he was my primary support, the person I could look up to if I needed help. But when I moved to the United States, I had to leave my dad and sister behind. And when my dad was no longer present, I had to step up on my own and gain a sense of independence. Growing up with one parent and learning a language that I had never experienced before was very challenging in my new environment. Even though I was with my mom, she was in the same situation as me, and she was not well versed in the language either and was unable to help me in the process of adapting to a new country and its culture. My parents did not have the opportunity to attend school because they come from low-income families; both grew up in the mountains of Colombia. Due to school not being a priority for them, I had to oversee my own education. While attending high school, one of my worries was how I was going to be able to pay for school. Due to my perseverance, I excelled as a student and was given the opportunity to receive the Hope scholarship and Pell Grant and graduated with honors. While attending high school I meet two friends who introduced me to their local church, and I believed this helped me to open myself with other people and to start serving others from a very young age. During my first year of college, I had to move out of my mom's house and it required me to live by myself in a tiny room with another family that was not related to me. I was only eighteen years old when I had to start making decisions on my own, including paying bills, feeding myself, keeping up with school full-time and working on ministry part-time. As I was learning to live on my own, I was given the opportunity to serve on a mission trip to Colombia with a foundation called Caritas Felices, "Happy Faces". During this mission trip, I was blessed to serve kids who are underprivileged, gifting them with a full day of happiness as well as food, clothes, and medical assistance. During my five years of college, I have learned that I have had a positive impact on other people, and this has pushed me to be an empowering leader to those who surround me. I have started mentoring middle schoolers since I was in high school and since then, I have been able to lead them throughout their high school and college years. Not only have I served with the youth ministry, but also the Women's ministry as well as leading the Dance Ministry. Working with all these ministries has taught me how to be responsible, loving, passionate, confident, and honest because my responsibility as a mentor is to be an example for others. Helping them overcome their own difficulties. Two people I looked up to are my pastors, even though they face difficult economic situations, while supporting five kids with a busy pastoral schedule, it has never stopped them from serving with such passion at church. These circumstances in my life have shaped me into who I am; open to different cultures, working through the challenges that I must face, and always looking for the good in each situation. I believe these situations have prepared me to successfully adapt to another country and make me familiar with the feeling of creating a new home despite the environment. Finishing my bachelor's degree and pursuing my masters has always been a set expectation of mine since high school
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,173 3638  
Feb 23, 2021   #2
Kindly fix the format of this presentation. It is extremely difficult to read. If you submit this essay in this format, I assure you the reviewer is not going to finish reading your personal statement before moving on to the next applicant. I gave up after the first 5 lines. It is not an essay that is written to be easily scanned for information. You need to use paragraphs, based on the specific prompt requirement you are addressing.

There is a missing reference to your work experience in relation to your interest in higher studies, motivation, and acquired skills. Your essay seems to have focused only on the first part of the prompt requirements, completely forgetting the all too important last few prompt requirements that would have shown you preparation for masters studies, your ability to do complex research, and professional skills that you believe make you a suitable candidate for the program.

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