"Anything is possible if you wish hard enough"Founder's scholarship to study abroad!

I'd like to study abroad and this essay is for the scholarship.
Could you plz check especially if it sounds too selfish, snobbish, arrogant, etc and if it suits the task. Any comments appreciated.

"Please outline below, in not more than 500 and not less than 300 words, your ambitions for the future; how you can contribute to the EF International Academy community; and why you believe you should be awarded a Founder's Scholarship."

(i'll check the words tomorrow)

"Anything is possible if you wish hard enough"- once said by J.M. Barrie, this quote has literally become a motto to me since I first heard it years ago. Has anything altered since then?- Yes!

Having been nurtured in the atmosphere of constant self-development ,on the one hand, and passion for art, on the other, I prematurely realized my potential benefits and my future aims became sufficiently explicit, even though I never used to stand out of the crowd by any characteristics. However hard I tried to do my best at theater classes or at mathematics at school, teachers would rarely put any attention to my work and I was never considered as a gifted or talented child. It was me who knew I was worth more and me who decided to change the way my life was and to make my dream come true. What was my dream? To become an accomplished expert and find my niche and to exert my talents and gifts. At that time all I had was my dream and my deep commitment to make it come true whatever it takes.

Since then my long-term goals have specified: now I see myself involved in the mass media industry which, as I see it, gives golden opportunities for realization of both my creativity and business skills that have developed during the past years and , what is more, for expansion of my relevant experience in mass media. My short-term ambitions have always been to receive first-class education and expand my knowledge in the fields of my interest, namely art, sport and foreign cultures. In addition to this, one of my prior targets is to travel and familiarize with the farthest parts of the globe, absorbing local traditions, customs and habits, and introducing them into my own culture.

Asking myself what the best way to achieve my goals could be, I find no other answer but to study abroad. This not only broadens one's mind but also assists in cultural exchange and multinational communication- and it is exactly what I long for. Having spent two summer holidays abroad with EF, I came to a conclusion that EF International Academic community provides the perfect atmosphere for complex interactions, giving the unique chance for everyone to make a positive contribution to the community building.

Community building is utterly dependent on our common willing to unify voices, experience collaboration and share resources. I personally feel like working for a better community, integrating with other students who share the same interests and trying to make a difference.

Several years ago I had not even dreamt of establishing and being responsible for our school's own television, however time passed and by means of determined effort I was appointed an executive of it. I am sure that EF International Academy community would support my beginnings and with assist of like-minded persons I would continue my activity in media service. What is more, being a part of community, I would exchange my experience with other students, which would give me the chance to develop their ideas and pleasure to help their dreams come true.

At age 17, I decidedly discovered my professional goals. My special interest in multicultural communication, first-class education and travel turned into a decision to pursue my early dream. The Founder's Scholarship would open new horizons for my further education and a step closer to success.

thanks in advance)

is altered the right word? yes it means change, but altered seems to fit elsewhere.


why why the two hand exposition?


prematurely as in before other people? before you could control it? explain.


what do you mean here?


and here?
this sentence was quite long.


this is still somewhat vague. while you have the commitment to do something, what is this "something"?


another run on. make sure those commas go right after the word, like this. don't leave them hanging. what did you mean by long-term goal? the one you mentioned in the previous paragraph? you keep moving onto new little topics, from your self development to your passion for art to your self worth to wanting to be an expert. then this paragraph keeps moving...onto creativity, business skills, experiences in mass media...

You don't outline strongly what YOUR dreams are, nor do you say what your ambitions for the future are...until the end of the third paragraph. make sure tense is consistent throughout. so you want to immerse yourself in knowledge and in different cultures, say that earlier?


with the assistance*

your point is made further into the essay, so that part is good. you still need to work on phrasing here and there, but word choice is good, though sometimes misused. good luck!