I am applying for a scholarship application and started working on it. Here is one of the questions.
explain your academic objectives and how these are appropriate to your future goals.
Tell specifically how a undergradute degree from the X university will contribute to your achieving your future goals. (100-word maximum)
Over the years, [country Y] has ensured a high-quality power supply in its large cities. Nevertheless, the power crisis is still evident in many villages and industries throughout the country. Due to the scarcity of non-renewable energy resources, the life of many power plants is coming to an end. As such, my objective is to bring a phase shift in the energy generation sector and acclimatize the appropriate use of my country's vast untapped green energy resources. A degree in Electrical engineering from X will master my understanding of advanced power technologies and equip me with a strong academic foundation required to ensure the availability of electricity to all citizens at affordable prices. Furthermore, research-intensive learning opportunities and various extracurricular activities will enhance my leadership skills and prepare me to adapt to any challenges I face.
This is my first draft. It is currently around 137 words. I am confused about where to reduce and improve. Any improvements/suggestions would be highly appreciated.
Go into more detail about how these opportunities will prepare you to adapt to new challenges.
anyone else who could provide any improvement ideas or writing feedback? @EducationalConsultant?
be specific about your goals you alone can not create a phase shift in your country's energy sector so make a goal that should be achievable and closely related to you. your first two-line, are controversial to each other. In your first line, you are telling the country has ensured a high-quality supply and in second-line, you are saying the country is still under power crisis, make it correct. and when you are saying you will utilize the untapped renewable energy, be specific in that too indicate some potential areas where the energy is tapped in what form etc.
I would just say be more specific and do some more research on electrical engineering, where this field is heading and make your goals accordingly
"research-intensive learning opportunities ..."
Further, explain what extracurricular activities and learning opportunities the school has to offer that will help you achieve your future goals. For example, clubs, research teams, etc.
Thank you very much for your time reading my answer and giving suggestions where relevant. I have noted what you said and will try to align my writing as much possible.