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How you can apply the knowledge and experience gained from your study time in Sweden?

eyes 1 / 1  
Feb 13, 2020   #1
I need review with my essay, it seems that I have passed the 1000characters limit and I feel like there is something missing.. thanks

benefits of my study

The academic and internships experiences will allow me (gain) technical skills such as Big Data Analytics and Research in Digital transformations, which I would introduce as Information System Analyst at National Information Technology Development Agency / data consultant company to develop interactive database systems, and perform data collection procedures and technical analysis as opposed to paper based designs, also ensuring that planning and budgeting for IT development activities in the country are done within the framework of the SDGS because Nigeria still lags behind with over 75 percent of its populace still offline due to below-par IT infrastructure and inadequate educational support.

In addition, as a member of the Network For Future Global leaders, the platform's mentorship and leadership events will allow for future and long lasting collaborations between my country and Sweden. Advancing my leadership skills through seminars with other global leaders and industry experts within the SI Alumni in my country will create networks and develop mutual learning processes through which I plan to host workshops on conscious innovation to promote social, economic, and environmental sustainable development.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,343 2877  
Feb 13, 2020   #2
Open with the current second paragraph. It has a very strong response as to how you would apply your knowledge and skills learned in Sweden once you return to your home country. The first paragraph is confusing in presentation so you will need to revise it before you use it as your new second paragraph. From the first paragraph information, try to pick the stronger of the two fields that you will opt to work in upon your return. Then revise the topic sentence and content to focus on your plans to present your new technical skills to. Don't forget to mention what specific problem you plan to address by the development of your skills and knowledge. It is important that you revise this statement to become a one paragraph presentation. You don't really need to make it extremely long and detailed. Just make sure to clearly present the short version with a summary of details regarding its application in your workplace.
OP eyes 1 / 1  
Feb 14, 2020   #3
Thanks so much. I will revise it right away, but the difficulty is cutting it down to one paragraph with just 1000 xters.
I will post a revised version soon.

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