Architecture/ Potential to succeed - SCHOLARSHIP MY GOALS/ Why INVEST in my education

Write an essay describing your educational goals and why (Name of Company) should invest in your education.
PLEASE READ AND MAKE CORRECTIONS IF ANY THANK YOU

Architecture Goals

I strongly believe that everyone must set goals in order to make dreams come true and not fall behind in life. There are many different kinds of goals that a person can set and achieve. For example, an educational goal, which I personally think is the first and most important goal that must be reached in order to move on and set other goals like financial, family, and personal development goals.

My educational goals include pursuing an education after graduating high school in a university with high standards, earn a Bachelor's Degree in Architecture, and graduate with honors to distinguish myself as a cut above the average college student. I knew Architecture was for me ever since I was about 8 years of age because that was when I discovered my endless fascination in many amazing landscape architecture designs. Graduating from university with honors may be tough, but it will look great to prospective employers or academic institutions because it is what will prove that I have solid work ethic and intelligence. I am the kind of person who likes to take on challenges and I know I would handle this one very well. Another one of my educational goals is getting an Architectural Internship; it would be the ideal starting point to learn and grow in the architectural profession. Trying out an internship in the architectural field would give me the opportunity to work and make a real contribution to the design of a new building and perhaps the next skyscraper in town.

My biggest fear has always been not being able to get a higher education and be forced let go of my dream career because I come from a family of low income. My parents did not save money year after year for me to attend college. I was not like most of those kids who were given a weekly or monthly allowance because my parents make just enough to have dinner on the table for me and my little brother. Receiving this scholarship would mean so much because it would be a great financial benefit for me. I come from a very humble background and know what it means to work hard to accomplish a goal and to appreciate every amount of help granted. This is why I want (COMPANY) to help me achieve my goals by investing in my education in the form of this scholarship because it will help me achieve my goal of becoming a Landscape Architect. I would be an excellent recipient of this scholarship because I have the potential to succeed in my studies, reach my goals, and surpass any obstacles in life. I am a dedicated and committed student that always shows great initiative and diligence. Graduating from college has always been my dream; in fact I will be the first one in my family to do so and I want my family to be proud of me. I know I have prepared well and am ready to begin the journey to these goals.

"I know I would be an excellent recipient..." I think you should take out the "I know " out of the sentence, so you sound more assertive and confident that you ARE an excellent recipient.

Thank you very much. I still need to add about 100 words because it has to be minimum 500 words.

You come across as very arrogant and shallow. Reading this, I didn't feel that you really wanted to study architecture. It felt more like "I'm smart therefore you should give me a scholarship." It felt flat and was overall uninspiring.

I would suggest re-working it so it's more genuine. Mention your academic accolades to prove that you won't waste their money, but open up a little more about you so they feel like they're not only investing in your education, but in you as a person.