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The Ashram visit - a personal life experience that has had particular significance for you


shreshthbh 1 / -  
Jan 13, 2021   #1
URGENT
Describe a personal life experience that has had particular significance for you and highlight the reason(s) it was significant, whether it had an impact on others, and any insights or understandings you gained from it. (800 word maximum)

visit to the ashram



I have had several learning experiences in my life, but this particular visit to the ashram left a perpetual effect on me and shaped my character. Three years ago, I got the opportunity to visit and serve at a free student home. It was located in a rural area with few to none transportation facilities. My elder brother accompanied me, and it was my first independent trip. Once we reached the place, we found it to be in a dilapidated condition. The exterior paint was worn off, and the interior infrastructure was the bare minimum to satisfy its basic needs. Shortly after reaching, we met the student home's in-charge, and he introduced us to the students. Every student had a struggling life journey with an unfortunate childhood but wore a big smile despite the harsh circumstances. The children were well nurtured, independent human beings with fundamental cultural values incorporated by the in-charge. Each day they do something fruitful and responsible. For instance, they spent their weekend planting vegetables and disinfecting their self-cultivated farm. I volunteered to plow the soil and plant the seeds, and it felt marvelous. This interaction deepened our bond and developed a stronger connection. They lead a balanced life in which they have dedicated hours for academics and physical recreation. Our visit's primary purpose was to tutor the children hard skills as they lacked a tutor for further support in their studies. I taught them the Sciences, Maths, and English. They were inquisitive to learn, simple to teach, and asked insightful questions about the topics taught. They intended to gain proper education to improve their parent's lives. The student home had imbibed essential values in them, which reflected in their personality. Every conversation that we shared was meaningful, and despite their young age, they spoke with maturity. They never showcased or even felt that they are deprived of anything I greatly admired and instilled in my life.

I was supposed to tutor them, but instead, I learned more from them. The most significant learning outcome from the visit was the capability to handle diverse situations. The children were given various tasks and different errands, and they all found a way to them with determination and co-operation. No matter how challenging the circumstance was, they found a solution with ease. The dedication and patience they displayed were commendable, and their character inspired me.

The experience was simply fascinating, and I feel fortunate to spend time with such gifted children. The way they utilize their time, deal with unforeseen circumstances, and excel in academics and sports taught me how balance is essential in life and how adaptive I need to be. They accustomed themselves to every situation they faced in their lives and still did not complain about their complexities. It is commendable how they motivated and influenced me to turn into a better person. Life needs to be lived with simplicity, and it is crucial to acclimatize oneself to situations because, after all, what is life without hurdles?

Please suggest corrections. Thank you
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,194 3644  
Jan 14, 2021   #2
Being from India, you are familiar with the ashram definition. Since the reviewer is not from India, you need to define what the word means or represents so help him get better acquainted with the narrative you are setting up. Is it a place or a cultural tradition? Set up the mental picture. The presence of your brother means that this was not an independent trip as you explained. You still have a relative with you, supervising and looking after you. Change that reference to a joint exposure instead.

The first paragraph is running too long. Divide that into separate topic paragraphs since you are discussing several subjects in that section. Each of which requires a definite attention / focus in the presentation. There are unclear references in the presentation. Whose bond was deepened (Sibling? Community?) and what made you say that? How did the relationship change?

Describe how the learning about diverse situations came about. You cannot just keep telling the reader, you need to justify using personal experience references that clearly show this development. You have plenty of room to apply changes and additions to this essay. I suggest that you strongly consider your revision based on my suggestions. It will help enhance the presentation.


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