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Assistant Principle - Scholarship Essay for Australia Awards How I chose propose course

Lunn Htar Moe 2 / 5 1  
May 14, 2020   #1
Q.1 )

How did you choose your proposed course and institution?

Growing up in a broken family, education has been my shelter to cover all of my unusual family background among my friends. I suffered a lot of discrimination in my childhood because divorce is not a common thing in Myanmar during at time. As I was an outstanding student in class, I could manage to overcome all these difficulties. And I got a scholarship for my matriculation exam which help my single father a lot. On the day I get my distinctions on matriculation exam, I decided to become a powerful educator in Myanmar to change thousands of students life as it had changed mine. I worked in Save the Children International earning my University fees. After I graduated, I left my well-paid job to become a teacher in my hometown as my childhood dream. I joined GOOD SUCCESS Boarding School becoming a teacher and Assistant Principal for 3 years. Within 3 years, I realize that my passion and sacrifices were not enough to make a great impact among students. Because I have a limited knowledge about education and have no educational degree which are the essential needs for my current job, I encountered some challenges in managing student's behavior, training the teachers and drawing effective curriculum, etc. As most of the students are from rural, conflict and least-developed area in the country, I knew that I needed a special knowledge to provide them a good environment and communication .To overcome all these challenges and to get higher education degree for the benefits of Myanmar students, I chose to study Master of Education (Leadership & Management) in Flinders University which match with my current job - Assistant Principle. As I am taking the leadership role in my school, I believe the course I chose would be so helpful to reform and change the school - to support students with learning difficulties, to give collaborative consultation, to support positive behavior in school compounds and I can also implement outside-school activities to promote students' interest in school subjects. I believe it will give me a solid understanding how to manage the school to be international standard. I hope my proposed course will open my eyes how to help students to achieve their life-long dreams. And, I would be able to train many teachers to be qualified and international standard teachers.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,529 3444  
May 14, 2020   #2
This is not a personal statement. The reviewer is not interested in your sad personal life. All he wants to hear about is why you chose the course and the institution. You need write a totally new essay. One that uses only 2 paragraphs, separated in the presentation that responds to :

- Why the course? (Masters course not undergraduate)
- Why the school? (For the masters course. No need to refer to your undergraduate studies and university)

You are not being asked to write a personal statement. You bare being asked to address your motivations for the course based on your professional goals and requirements. The reviewer will read your first 2 sentences and toss this application. All because you did not immediately give him the information he requires. He allots only a few minutes to scanning your essay for the relevant information. However, if your first 2 sentences do not give him a clue as to what the actual responses will be, he is going to ditch your application and you will not be considered for the scholarship anymore. You need to be direct to the point in 2 paragraphs. No melodramatics, just the question then, the answer. Nothing more, nothing less.

Use a professional and academic tone. There is no need for heart-wrenching, creative writing presentations. The statement will work better and address the discussion better when using a straightforward discussion, with a professional tone within.
OP Lunn Htar Moe 2 / 5 1  
May 15, 2020   #3
@holt Thank you very much for your feedback. I will write a new essay as you adviced me.

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