Hello everyone, I am Jeff, currently applying to Australia Awards Scholarship. They required me to write four separate essay - each 400 words max. This is the first out of four that I've done writing, and would be nice if I can have some suggestions. A little background: my proposed programs are Master of Applied Economics and Master of Commerce in Digital Business.
Prompt: Why did you choose your proposed course(s) and institution(s)?
Applied economics in its simplest can be described as putting economic theories into real-world application to solve economic problems. Businesses, in order to make decisions more efficiently, would seek advise to better design their strategies. Policymakers has to undergo their proposed bills to a thourough analysis to accurately represent people's needs. Ever since COVID-19 wreak havoc across borders, businesses - be it small or large - had been greatly impacted with the sudden change in consumer behaviors. Governments, on the other hand, had been scrambling in unpreparedness.
The ongoing outbreak undeniably affect society at-large, and I have wondered to myself, the relation between economic condition and policymaking process. Of this reason, I strategically choose ANU's Master of Applied Economics program. Its campus is located not far away from Parliament House, where policymakers navigate the health and economic crises that turns highly fluid if not solved properly. The two-year degree program also allowed its candidates to enroll in classes such as Economic Policy Issues, Public Sector Economics, as well as Business & Economic Forecasting; a core stakeholders in the field of applied economics. I am sure that the ANU program, alongside with my undergraduate degree, could advance my knowledge in business and governance.
Simultaneously, digital businesses have seen tremendous growth induced by the sudden change in consumer behavior. Due to stay-at-home orders, online retailers has experienced massive boom in the past year. Southeast Asia - Indonesia in particular - is one of the emerging markets for e-commerce, and has seen tremendous volume of sales compared to pre-pandemic era. Therefore, it can be concluded that the digitization of businesses throughout the region will not show any decline for the foreseeable future.
Unfortunately, many of these either cannot afford to expand digitally, or lack the resources and capabilities needed for building their digital counterpart. University of Sydney's Master of Commerce in Digital Business addresses these, since its study program combines entrepreneurial foundations with the know-how of business information systems. Coupled with my experience working in e-commerce, I believe by proposing this program I can aid in digitizing small businesses across Indonesia and Southeast Asia. (347 words)
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,535 3447
I do not see any reason for you to be lecturing the reviewer regarding the definition of Economics. That presentation is just a word filler, which is really unnecessary in this case. The mention of Covid - 19 does not really makes sense in the overall scheme so that reference seems irrelevant as well. I believe that your opening statement is a waste of word count that could better be used elsewhere. You may delete that paragraph and use it to better develop the discussions regarding your course and institution choices instead.
What is the connection of Parliament House to your application? It is not the Parliament House of your country so its location does not really help you learn in relation to Economics. How were these program choices influenced by the demands of your current profession? That is what you should be discussing in those 2 paragraphs instead. Each course should have a relevant application in your workplace. Discuss the relationship. There is room for further clarity in your explanation, develop the essay further within the 400 word count. You will be able to retrieve word allowance by deleting the opening paragraph like I said earlier. The revise the second paragraph to create a more focused introduction. Leave Covid-19 out of the discussion presentation altogether.
Try to use simple words to save the limited characters and you can use them for another idea. Btw, try to focus on details like what course that you aimed and which institution provides it.
overall, this is good enough as you put some outbreaks relevant but try to more elaborate. keep it up!