I'm a government officer responsible for court development from Mongolia.
Please kindly review and give me feedback for the Australia Awards.
Thank you in advance.
Q3. How have you contributed to solving a challenge and to implementing change or reform? (Be specific and include: what aspect/s of your leadership knowledge, skills and practice you consider to be well established and effective; which people or organisations you worked with to solve the problem; and what creative methods were used.):
INTRODUCING CITIZEN-CENTERED COURT SERVICES IN MONGOLIA
I think that my most well established and effective leadership skill is to inspire and influence others. I want to share with you a project which I initiated and implemented by using this skill. As a court development manager, I prepared a project proposal to implement a citizen-centered court service in 2016 and led a team of 6 officers to implement a pilot project in a court in Ulaanbaatar. After that, this project had approved by the chairman of XXX to implement nationwide, and this example inspires chiefs of court offices who directly report to me.
This initiate had officially declared nationwide in 2017. The main concept of this initiative is that court should be considered, by both citizens and court officials, as 'a public organization that delivers justice service to the citizens' rather than "an adjudicative authority".
Moreover, to implement this initiative, it was essential to ensure the participation of all stakeholders. So, I cooperated with chiefs of 40 court offices throughout the country. Main methods of achieving the goal was to delegate some of my roles to chiefs of court offices to formulate their own self-help centers in courthouses. As the result, all courts had implemented actions that simplifying court procedures to communicate to citizens, reducing unnecessary the burden of requiring papers, giving all required information to citizens or self-represented litigants in effective ways, creating adequate space for the people in the courthouse, creating service officers, and implementing a distinct code of conduct on court service.
By the end of 2019, all courthouses had a court service center and developed a citizen-centered service procedures and values. The most challenging part of this project was that establishing a service-oriented approach for court officials. To overcome this, I have been actively cooperated with the chiefs of court offices to monitor their officers until now by introducing ISO 9001 quality management system.
My leadership skills were acknowledged by the XXX and I was awarded as the best court manager in 2017. This initiative I lead have been receiving significance of not only courts but also state policy level as it approved as a component of Vision 2050-Mongolian long-term development policy by the parliament this year. So, I want to use my leadership skills to deepen my initiate in the future.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,535 3447
You have to rewrite the whole essay. You only have 2000 characters to work with in this presentation. You wrote 2003 characters with spaces. That is equivalent to 2385 characters without spaces. You are over explaining things in your essay. You do not need to much introduction and conclusion presentations in this essay. Go immediately to the problem. Show the reviewer your skills. Don't just tell them. Keep it short. The information that needs to be presented is in this essay.
You should need to focus your presentation on the required elements sooner. Where there are several positive results, pick the most notable one. You keep this short by focusing on the most notable accomplishments. You don't have to enumerate all of the results. That is why this essay is running too long.
I understand you want to be as thorough as possible in your presentation. However, where there is a character maximum requirement, you do not have that liberty. You need to show that you can say more with less words. The reviewer would appreciate it more as he will be able to completely assess your qualifications in lesser time.