Why did you choose your proposed course and institution*?
I chose Public Health Course with Global Health Specification at University of Melbourne as the first choice and Public Health Course with Health Promotion and Advocacy specification at University of Sydney as the second choice. The choices were based on the real situations which I found as I have been working at a public health centre for the last two years. There are two things that I consider important in solving public health problems, those are public health leadership and health professionals' communication skill.
Public health leadership is important in helping health professionals take their position so they can guide the local government during policy making process. In my situation, I am working with many skillful health professionals but sometimes they are not confident enough to talk with the public authorities about the real health problems in the community. The result is the lack of amount of money allocated for public health development, the money is mostly allocated for other purposes, especially for physical infrastructure. The University of Melbourne provides Public Health Leadership as one of the core courses which I believe will help me gain my leadership skill which can be shared with other health professionals in my home country as I finished my study.
The second point is health professionals' communication skill which will affect the health-related knowledge of the people in the community. People's health basically depends on their knowledge, attitude and practice about health. If the health professionals cannot deliver health information in the way that can be understood by the people, it will less likely affect their knowledge in practicing healthy lifestyle. This is why the communication skill, especially in health promotion is very important in solving public health problems. Based on that reason, I decided to choose Public Health Course at The University of Sydney with health Promotion and advocacy specification as my second choice.
The essay already is technical. It showcases an in-depth understanding of the health field itself. However, I do have a couple of suggestions to better your essay.
I would suggest to first and foremost add more personal details into the essay. Build a narrative as to why specifically you have chosen this course. This will make your essay more humane and appealing to the evaluators because it showcases a more in-depth and personal passion towards the course itself.
Moreover, I would also suggest that you look into tackling more about the specific parts of the institution that attracts you to it. This will ensure that the evaluators know that you fit like a glove to the values that the institution stands for. This can, therefore, show that you stand out from the crowd.
In paragraph two - understand their position so they can ... during the policy-making process. Change in my situation to "At this time I am......
I am working ... professionals who are at times are not confident when talking with....... The result is a lack of
amount of money......as the money is allocated......remove the word "my" in the last sentence and change skill to skills.
In paragraph three change to skills. Based on these reasons, .....