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Autobiography to apply scholarship study abroad

tuongvy1992003 1 / 2  
Mar 27, 2021   #1

personal essay

It's grateful to say that I've known what I want to do with my life. My name is Vy Nguyen, everyone can call me Cherry. I am currently living in Cao Lanh City, Dong Thap Province, Viet Nam.i lived with my parents, younger brother. Everyday for me is an evenly happy day. Why I say this is because I live a life of freedom . My parents do not force me to do what I do not like.I am in grade 12 Biology at Nguyen Quang Dieu High School for the Gifted. The reason I chose Biology major is because I used to become a doctor in the future and now I do not like this. Even though I study at school for the Gifted, I always maintain my GAP is over 8.0/10.0. Beside that, I also aggressively participate in a lot of activities. First of all, i hawarded the Second Prize in the 100m run for women. Next, I participated in the GRADE 10 Division, Singapore and Asian Schools Math Olympiad 2019. At grade 10, I have a chance to exchange with AIESEC Group. In the group, there are some international students and we talk together in a totally funny way. And finally at grade 12 I was awarded the First Prize at the 100m run for female.I took part in a sports competition because I want to have good health. Although i did not achieve a prize but after the contest i had some experience for progress study.

Life means to me if I think it can be done ,so I decided to open an online bakery to earn money for my summer vacation in grade 10. At that time, I opened a bakery for 2 reasons, the first reason is I want to try businessing, the second reason is satisfying my personal favorite because I am interested in making some cakes. This is the first time I have started going into business for ourselves. My store specializing in salt egg yolk cake, Vietnamese name is " Bánh bông lan trứng muối'' and others many cakes such as strawberry cake, biscotti,...Before i set up a store, i had done market research to know people whether they needed my product. And, I recognised that my potential customer is almost a student. Accordingly, I will have been sold at a reasonable price. At the beginning, the amount of customers was extremely crowded, so I felt happy so much because for the first time I had tried to do business and had received their support. Thanks to my mother, she's always inspired me. She said : " You can do everything i want". Because she always wants me to experience everything to confirm my dream and can come true. As a result, I had known that my dream was to become a business woman. I had sustained unitil semester one of grade 12 and had stopped in regretting the feelings of people. Because I want to focus on studying at school to prepare for graduate high school.

I had chosen international business studies to make my dream come true. It's not only my dream, but also it's my passion. I think I'm really suitable for this major. The reason is I have a high responsibility, meticulousness and resourcefulness. Although I am not a distinguished person, I will be desmontrate for you to know that I am a diligent person. Although my level of English and Chinese not good, I believe that if I study two languages hard, I will improve my level. Some reasons are that i think i really suitable for International business.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,562 3753  
Mar 28, 2021   #2
The essay presentation is all over the place. It does not have a clear direction in each paragraph. The words written are in English but the sentences barely make any sense to the reader. I am not sure what the prompt requirements are for this essay because you did not upload the writing instructions with this essay. I should have gotten an idea of what you were supposed to be discussing from the actual essay that you wrote. The problem is, your thought process is in Vietnamese, translated word for word to English. So a lot of the actual meaning got lost in translation. You need to seek professional editing help for this essay. I cannot advise you on the open forum about how to correct this. You have to contact me privately for that.
OP tuongvy1992003 1 / 2  
Mar 28, 2021   #3
Thank you for your answer, i will contact to you immediately.
giangkc1811 2 / 3  
Mar 28, 2021   #4
I am a little confused when reading through your essay. It is long but without a appropriate structure which makes it hard for readers to follow and understand your main idea. I hope you can divide your essay into smaller paragraphs and just focus one main idea in each paragraph
OP tuongvy1992003 1 / 2  
Mar 28, 2021   #5
Ok. I will try to write again. Thank you so much 😊

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