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Being awarded this scholarship is all I've dreamt about having. MasterCard Foundation


Bluespider288 1 / 1 1  
Nov 28, 2016   #1
If you do not receive the MasterCard Foundation Scholarship, what are your plans for the next four years?

I was able to come up with this essay, what di you think guys? I need your support.

"Being awarded this scholarship is all I've dreamt about having.
Applying for this scholarship is my way of achieving my dreams and hopes of fulfilling my destiny in the future.

If I'm not awarded, I will have to continue to offer my services as a computer technician to other schools and homes within my community and with the little money I can make from it, I would be able to support myself academically. After my graduation from secondary school, I enrolled into a computer academy to further my knowledge about computers and also had this skill for Graphic Designing. I am really looking forward to receiving this scholarship from the Master Card Foundation Scholars Program so as to excel in fulfilling my dreams and creating a brighter future for my career and having a successful well-being.

I am very hard working person who doesn't take failure for an option and never gives up. I always tend to meet up with my career goals in the future. The University of Toronto are in search of bright minded and efficient youths with academic potentials here in Africa and I believe I'm one of them. I have a dream and I believe it's about time to make it a reality. Failure to be awarded this scholarship puts no setbacks for me, I will continue to strive hard to further my education and see myself awarded with a Bachelor's degree in a most prestigious and reputable university home or abroad.

What motivates me is when I see outstanding youths like me out here who are being opportune to do practicing and performing things that make them want to be huge aspirants in the future, having access to necessities that enables them to achieve their ultimate goals in life and have something to give back to their community at the end of it all.

My plans in the next four years are to still look forward to gaining admission into a highly recognized and reputable university home & abroad, receiving a Bachelor's degree. In the search of gaining admission, I hope further to study in one of the top universities in America, Canada, and the United Kingdom."

yjung17 8 / 20 2  
Nov 28, 2016   #2
@Bluespider288
I would get rid of the contractions in order to make this a formal essay.
If I were you I would place a different word than "outstanding."
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,517 2961  
Nov 28, 2016   #3
Onuha, your essay has a tendency to get lost in the narration of your plans should you not get the scholarship. There are a lot of unnecessary references and content that steal away from the true meaning of your essay response. It would be best if you simply focus the essay on the direct response for the prompt. The following parts are the essential components of your proper response:

If I'm not awarded, I will have to continue to offer my services...skill for Graphic Designing.
I am very hard working person who doesn't take failure for an option and never gives up. I always tend to meet up with my career goals in the future.My plans in the next four years , if I am unable to win this scholarship will be to...


The answer you have to give them has to be clear and to the point. The reviewer doesn't really have the time to sort through all of the filler information that you provide. You are not being asked to plead your case in this essay. You are just being asked to provide your plans for the next 4 years should you not get the scholarship. Everything else that you mentioned is unnecessary and only takes the focus of the reviewer away from your 4 year plan. It only requires a 2 paragraph response.
OP Bluespider288 1 / 1 1  
Nov 28, 2016   #4
Thanks very much @ Holt........................Making my corrections effectively.....


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