Balance and organization: two necessary precepts for me - SCHOLARSHIP ESSAY

Please explain in 250 words or less why you believe that you should be awarded this scholarship:

My current essay:
I specifically want advice on how I can come off a bit more stronger in my ending and in the whole essay overall.

Balance and organization; two precepts that were not applied extensively to my room this college semester, nevertheless, both were crucial to my academic performance. I came into college enthusiastic and filled up my schedule with extramural activities, a job, and hobbies while at the same time fighting back courses that demanded many hours of my time. As time passed I became suffocated by the increase in time required by each responsibility until the time constraint finally became overwhelming. The moment I had become aware of my dilemma I instantly stopped working on assignments that I was rushing to complete and wrote down pending tasks in a list. As I looked at every item in the list I rose the question to myself; why am I here? Why had my mother who immigrated to this country and left her career behind decide to do so? After pondering over my situation it was obvious that I had to prioritize my academics before any other matter. I took every listed item and first organized coursework according to its due date and significance. I then used this as a guide as to when I would be available to work and lastly I planned tentatively for club meetings and events I could attend and times for when I could delve into music through my accordion. After applying balance and organization into my life I was able to focus on my academics, earn a 3.79 GPA, while having time to repose and enjoy the little things in life.

... that were not applied extensively to my room (during ) this college semester...
I came into college enthusiasticenthusiastically and filled up my schedule ...
As time passed(,) I became suffocated by ...

... I had to prioritize my academics before any otherS matter.
... coursework according to its due date and significance.
I then I used this as a guide as to when I would be available ...
... I was able to focus on my academics, earn aI got 3.79 GPA, while having time ...

Okay, the content of your essay does not really present any relevant purpose for your desire to be awarded a scholarship. Time management seems to have become a problem for you during your early academic life but that is not enough of a reason for a scholarship. The reference to your improved GPA does not really offer a compelling reason for you to become a scholarship awardee since there is no real, acceptable reason for you to desire a scholarship.

What you can do is revise the essay to show instead that you are a self-supporting student who had to take on multiple jobs while juggling your studies on the side. Working students normally find themselves awarded with scholarships because they need to lessen the need to work in order to get better grades. So you can open that door to the discussion instead.

You can opt to explain that your mother came here with the hopes of giving you a better future and, while she had supported your college classes as best as she could, the current finances of your family will no longer allow her to do so and while you have a job, you will not be earning enough to continue with your studies unless you get a scholarship.

Those are just some of my suggested reasons that are often considered compelling enough to win you a scholarship. There may be other reasons as well such as your health preventing you from working but you still desiring to continue your studies, etc. Try to come up with a reason that will tug at the heartstrings of the scholarship committee but make sure that you can justify it should they call you in for a formal interview.